2022 August

Friday, August 5, 2022

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[Destroying Nature] Workers were out this week in the National Key Deer Refuge with forestry mulchers creating new paths through the native vegetation on Big Pine Key. Forestry Mulchers are track machines with chippers mounted on the front, are designed to grind up vegetation as they move forward. On Big Pine they also crack up any rock that protrudes up. This permanently damages the caprock and habitat that they clear. It also frequently damages the forestry mulcher that is used in this manner. The machines cost between $150,000 and almost $900,000, depending on the size. The war on the native trees in the Key Deer Refuge continues. One of the most frequent victims of the clearing are the native palms.The thatch palm, Leucothrinax morrisii, only grows in the Keys in North America. It grows very slowly, a palm with an 8 ft trunk is more than 100 years old. They provide seasonal food for the Key Deer in the form of a pea size white fruit. A mature palm can provide up to 20 lbs. in a season. Many species of birds also feed on the fruit. You might notice that they are growing fruit right now, that will mature in a month or two. Over ten thousand of these native trees have been cleared in recent years.
The silver palm, Coccothrinax argentata, mostly occurs in the Keys, with largest populations on Big Pine Key and Bahia Honda. They produce a purple fruit that is eaten by both birds and deer. The Key Deer also like to eat the flowers before the fruit is formed. Thousands of these slow growing trees have also been destroyed!
How can thousands of important native plants that produce food for native wildlife be destroyed? Many of the favorite historic foods in the diet of the Key Deer have become extinct, rare, and unavailable due to severe over browsing. Doesn’t the removal of large amounts of the remaining foods of endangered species in a National Wildlife Refuge constitute a violation of the Endangered Species Act?
Who makes these decisions?
[More Knife Control Needed] Stabbing in Tavernier. Link
I am asking people for recommendations for online places to sell stuff besides Amazon that do not charge an arm and a leg. Is there a way to set up my own web site to sell my stuff? (Editor: Here’s just one place to start but takes a lot of reading to make sure you get what you want and not more. Link)
[Friday Joke] Last week we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, “Why the spoon?” “Well, “he explained, “the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.” As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon, and he was able to replace it with his spare. “I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.” I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zipper on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, “Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?” “Oh, certainly!” Then he lowered his voice. “Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent.” I asked, “After you get it out, how do you put it back?” “Well,” he whispered, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”

[New Elephant] This guy just got an elephant from Amazon and he’s reading the user guide.

[Lost Interest] I sat in front of my computer desk thinking of how to sell or give away all my computers, books, tools, cameras, and tons of other goodies I will never have the time to use. The shock of realizing that people do not give a damn about anything, hit like a brick. No one cares about computers, tools, etc., all they care about is getting paid, eating and cell phones. It made me realize there are only two sets of humans on this rock, those in control and the rest of us. Got a lot of stuff you cannot sell or give away, just toss it.
[Slow Pokes] When the speed limit is posted say, 55 MPH, that is the fastest one MAY legally drive, not the speed one must drive. When a driver opts to go 45 MPH (with or without a dog) that does not make them a terrible driver. Actually, it’s the opposite. Re-testing drivers has found that most NASCAR junkies have been instructed that when they have a 1 hour drive to work or Happy Hour they should get off the couch 75 minutes before departing and not expect mankind to go 54.999 MPH so they won’t be late arriving at their destination.
[For Your Amusement] Turn off the volume while a politician is barking. If they are for an issue, their head bobs up and down. Not for an issue, side to side.

[Magnet Fishing] ‘Fisherman’ fined after pulling 86 rockets from the Fort Stewart River in Georgia. No good deed goes unpunished. This is just how stupid our government is. Video
[Friday Joke] Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing there. “Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night, thought you might like to come. About 5.”
“Great”, says Tom, “after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.” As Lars is leaving, he stops. “Gotta warn you … be some drinkin.” “Not a problem” says Tom. “After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of ‘em.” Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. “More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too.” “Well, I get along with people, I’ll be all right. I’ll be there, thanks again.” “More’n likely be some wild sex, too.” “Now that’s really not a problem,” says Tom, warming to the idea. “I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?” “Don’t much matter … just gonna be the two of us.”
[“Winning the lottery”] I would not change a thing, perhaps a large donation to MARC house. My existing family and friends are the same. I have no problem telling folks to,  “Take a hike.”
[Justice?] Brittney Griner ‘won over’ Russian prison guards and inmates, and they reassured the WNBA star as she finished her trial. She received 9 years where the usual sentence for Russian offenders is about one year. This is purely political. She had 3 vaporizer cartridges. Link
Benedict Arnold was from Norwich Connecticut. I lived there and never knew that. There are historic plaques all over that region but not one mentions the famous traitor. Time has revealed that Arnold was a great general and the first to defeat the British Navy in naval combat and he was the first to beat the British Army in toe-to-toe combat. He led an army a hundred miles through wilderness without maps to capture Fort Ticonderoga. He was a great leader and his men loved him. His problem was that the revolution he was fighting, was to replace the old system of bribes, favoritism, cronyism, and nepotism, but it was really just the same as the system he was fighting against (like Pink Floyd would latter sing, “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.”) He was probably the best general the colonies had, but he became disillusioned by his lack of promotion or recognition. He accomplishment and bravery were never mentioned in official reports. He wasn’t from a ‘good’ family and had no ‘connections’. He turned traitor, went to England, and died in obscurity because the British wouldn’t trust a traitor.
[Friday Joke] My Wife is getting more forgetful isn’t all bad. Now when she comes in the room and says, ‘What did I come in here for?’ I say ‘Sex’. It hasn’t worked yet but I’m hopeful.
[Too Good To Be True] Нellоǃ
Ρerhарѕ mу mеѕѕagе is too ѕресіfiс.
But mу older ѕіstеr found а wоndеrful mаn hеrе and they hаvе а grеat rеlationѕhір, but what abоut me?
Ι аm 22 уeаrѕ old, Chriѕtina, from thе Сzесh Rерubliс, knоw English languаge аlѕо
Αnd… bеtter to sау it immеdіаtеly. I аm bisехual. Ι am not ϳealоuѕ оf anоthеr woman… eѕрeciallу if we makе lоve tоgethеr.
Аh yеs, I coоk very tаsty! аnd I lоve nоt onlу cook ;))
Ιm real gіrl аnd lоokіng for serіous аnd hot rеlаtіоnѕhіp…

[Some Like It Hot] Spain has passed laws forbidding AC unit settings below 80° to save energy. Heat breeds germs so things can get very nasty in places that should be kept cool, like hospitals, food storage, bars, schools, etc. Some people just do not think clearly.
The AARP August calendar of activities is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
[Sad View] The problem on this planet is not war, famine, germs, crime or any publicized bs, it’s simply that the N.W.O. is survival of the un-fitest! The junk people have taken over.


Now is the time to buy war bonds. You might as well because they sure are trying to start the next world war

[Amazon AI Cheating] I searched 55” TVs last month, but they were too costly at about $800 to $1000. They were too expensive, so I didn’t buy. Yesterday I searched again. Amazon displayed new lower prices for the same TVs, from $200 to $500. This is all done using artificial intelligence. I’ve seen this before on Amazon. The first time is high price and if you don’t buy, the next time is a lower price.
[We’re from the government and here to help] This ultralight crashed and had a fuel leak from the ordeal. Well, the local air Evac guys saw it happen and called 911, so the cops showed up. The guy wasn’t hurt, but being an older guy, he drove himself to the doctor to get checked out. Meanwhile, the cops call the FAA for this ultralight non-issue that was out there in the grass. Two guys from the FSDO showed up and were doing their thing. They called the NTSB to come out at some point and dig around, but the FAA guys decided that it wasn’t safe to be around the site with the ballistic chute not being deployed. They thought it might go off on its own or something, so they insisted that someone launch it. One guy goes up to it and pulls the handle, setting off the rocket that takes the chute out, and in turn sets the gas on fire that leaked out. A 20lb fire extinguisher was depleted on it without putting the fire out, but a couple of fire trucks later, it was put out. And this picture is what remains after the government showed up to help.
[New Gear] The Big Pine Library just received new tablets, laptops, and a self-service checkout machine. Our laptops and tablets allow you the flexibility of utilizing our services and Wi-Fi throughout the branch. The self-service checkout and print release terminal provide speed, efficiency, and seamless service all for your convenience. Please stop by and we’ll be happy to give you a tour of the new tech and answer any of your questions
[Friday Joke] Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guys remarks to the other, “Boy you look really tired.” His friend replies, “Dude, I’m exhausted, my girlfriend wants sex all the time. three, four sometimes even six times a night. She wakes me up at all hours. I just don’t know what to do“
A fellow in his seventies is sitting a few bar stools down from them and overhears their conversation. He looked over at the two men, and showing the wisdom of his age says, “Marry her. That’ll put an end to that nonsense!”
Let China sleep, for when she wakes, she will shake the world. Link   ~Napoleon Bonaparte 1812
[“Winning the Lottery”] “Winning the lottery and fearing criminals” That’s because he kept it under his mattress. Keep it in the bank or buy treasury bonds. There are paid people to help you that won’t rip you off (until you stop checking on them).
[Friday Joke] Girl at traffic stop: Do you know who my dad it? Ticketing Officer: No. Does your mom? Sign here.

[Girl Power] Now, with global warming, almost all sea turtles born are female. I’d love to be a male sea turtle.

[Shopping Locally] I won’t say 1/3, but a good percentage of young kids today feel entitled for the job they do. Some are absolutely useless. You ask them to find something for you, or even search for someone to ask, and the reply is, “I don’t work this department”.
God help us all.
[“Winning the lottery”] It cracks me up when I hear winners saying they will continue at their job because they like it and the people there. That’s nutty because the first time your stupid, teenage supervisor tells you to do something stupid, you’ll be out the door. You now possess “f**k you” money. No one can tell you to do anything. You can never really trust anyone ever again. All your new ‘friends’ will be pestering you for money.
[Captain Doom and Gloom] What is sickening is that the merchant class is f**king everybody like they always do, but they know we peons can’t do a damn thing about their greedy prices. $5.65 for 1/2 gallon of f**king milk?!   When toilet paper goes to $5 a roll people will die.  I am pissed at myself for being so gullible and not hording the dried foods and canned foods and setting up a water filter.  I really feel dumb. We have lots of guns and ammo, so what? You can’t eat them, or gold or silver or paper money.  We’re f**ked if this rock crashes. It will be a much tougher time than history has seen because no one I know or you know has a garden or is smart enough to hide in the north woods, right? I’m paranoid? It’s better to be paranoid than a simple-minded smiling face when the bad guys bust through your door to get you food for their kids.

Does anyone know a plumber that is reasonable and does not run a brothel on the side?

[Bureaucracy] A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza…
CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How do you know that?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
GOOGLE: I’m sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me. GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…
Greenland was ruled by Denmark from the early 18th century until 1979, when home rule began. In 2009, Greenland approved the Self-Government Act in a referendum. When the ice melts and major ports built, Greenland will be an important port for the new, quicker trans-continental shipping route over the north pole. Nobody wants Greenland until the ice is gone, then watch out!
[Friday Joke] The guy at the furniture store told me the sofa would seat 5 people without any problems. Then it occurred to me, I don’t think I know 5 people without any problems?
[Can’t see latest CT?] The Coconut Telegraph was published at 10:37 am this morning. If you have trouble accessing the Coconut Telegraph on your phone, please hit the refresh icon in your computer’s browser or phone’s browser: In your phone’s browsers’ address bar >  type: > click the menu’s 4 bars or dots in the upper right > Click the refresh icon – an open circle with an arrow at one end.