2021 February

Friday, February 12, 2021

[Murdered Captain] In 1981 I was motoring around Cottrell Key and there was a shrimp boat hard aground. It had powered on to the flats and commenced to turn circles and dug a circular trench in the sea floor until it broke and stopped. The mate had murdered the captain and jumped ship and was picked up by another boater. I was there about two days later and boarded it and was about to go below when I held back after I looked inside. There was a dark force I wasn’t about to challenge. I got scared. It was almost like a black evil filling the belowdecks. I was sure the murder took place down there. I could just feel it. I took a couple of rigging blocks as souvenirs and had Monkey Tom paint the one pictured here. It has since faded beyond recognition. I should have taken better care of the blocks. I made a “Please wait to be seated” sign for an apple farmer’s roadside stand in NH from an iron block from the shrimp boat’s rigging. The shrimp boat’s name was the Ocean Clipper.

The strange twist to this story is that a day or two after that, I was driving up the Keys to some land I had just bought and picked up a hitchhiker. A big guy with long sandy colored hair. We got stoned and started swapping tales. He told me he was a shrimper who had stabbed his captain and showed me the knife. It had about a 3 ½” single blade and was a folding knife. It was still covered in dried blood! I didn’t know what I should do. I was on high alert and paranoid from the pot. Should I shoot him? I had my revolver handy where he couldn’t see it. He seemed so friendly. What I did then was to pull out my own folding knife with it’s scary 4 ¾” blade. That impressed him and we continued our drive and he didn’t kill me. I let him off at the red light on Big Pine Key. I was careful not to mention the murdered captain or anything about it. We talked about shrimping which I knew a lot about. He was the last hitchhiker I ever picked up.

[Tourists] Does anyone else have a northern tourist staying next door to you for 2 months? It’s ridiculous.  I found the tourist in my yard messing around with my business equipment.  No, they don’t wear masks, and now my other neighbors who also never wear masks have befriended them and they wonder why I don’t talk to them anymore.  There are approximately 6000 Covid cases in Monroe County that we know of. The county is 100 miles long.  That’s 60 people who are infected every mile. Scary huh? Now granted, there are many more cases  in KW then anywhere in the county, so I will half that 60 and say 30 people every mile.  Still scary, huh.  For some reason, unbeknownst to me, the residents here in Little Torch Key think that if you’re a neighbor, or even a tourist part time neighbor, then your safe. The ignorance is alarming.
[Light Pollution] My nasty neighbor had 250 watt spot lights sticking straight out of his house, blinding any and all in our neighborhood. He went on vacation for several weeks skiing in Utah. Now the lights are out and people can sleep at night. Some people just cannot be talked to without getting their attention with a hammer!
[Crooks] Today, February 9, must have been a Rip the Public Day, because I got four bogus phone calls, and several BS emails from bogus companies. Never say or make a sound on the phone if you are not sure if is a legit call and never reply or fill out an unrequested email from any company. The world if full of cons and they take no hostages.
[“Bring high rise condos to the Keys”] Are you out of your mind?  Please stay in Toronto and never speak of this again.


[Lady Day] Billie Holiday, rags to riches to rags again. Super powerful singer, quite before her time. Listen to her music, read her life story! She died before I was born. Link

Thursday BBC World News was banned in China because of a story they did about the systematic rapes at the concentration camps. Video
[Friday Joke] Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From the local paper comes this story of a Brisbane couple who drove their car to the shopping center only to have their car break down in the car park. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward and quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching. The AAA mechanic however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.


Conch Marine Army cleans up the canals. Support them they are non for profit.

[Bugs] Could someone tell me how to sit out back on porch reading and listening to music on my iPad? without the pesky bugs upsetting me landing on the iPad and in my ear once in a while too? Do I spray the tablet with OFF? I don’t mind them landing on me, or maybe hitting an ear or two, it makes you stay alert. But they cause bug skid marks all over my screen.
Thousand Island Dressing
1 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup yellow onion, minced
2 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons sweet pickle relish
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon sweet paprika
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
You want to see a third world country live? Order a major appliance delivered and installed from the big box store! They have not a clue.



I wear my mask as a giant eye patch and say ARRHH a lot. Seems to keep people at least 6 feet away from me.

[“High rises for affordable housing”] “aesthetically pleasing designs” cost money, a lot of money. So how will they be affordable and address “housing issues”?


Palm Trees have been found as far as the fortieth parallel in the Northern Hemisphere, and to the thirty-fifth in the Southern Hemisphere.

I called my 90-year-old uncle a few days back. He didn’t answer the phone, but tells me in a text to text him. Doesn’t get better than that!



Johnny Cash


The training was difficult, but at least now he knows he’s not allowed on the couch.

[Pandemic] In the year 1418 there died in Paris of the plague alone, 80,000 persons. They are buried in layers of thirty and forty corpses together, packed as bacon is. All through Paris you could hear the pitiable lamentation of the little children. One saw upon one dung heap twenty, thirty children dying of hunger and cold. No heart was so hard but had great pity upon hearing their piteous cry throughout the night. ~old book


[Rat Boat] Only thing missing is a hot tub on the top. Imagine getting hit broadside with a wave–capsize!

[Donate Blood] For those eligible to donate, there’s a blood drive Sunday, 2/14 at the Vineyard.  Long sleeve shirt & $10 eGift card for donors. Donate twice this year through 4/30 for $25 Carrabba gift card mailed.

[Panic] Oh no. Now the Gays are shooting their Space Lasers. What’s QAnon to do?

[Age] I’m, a-gallon-of-gas-was-25-cents years old.
[Crappy Websites] After recent events I wanted to change my political affiliation online. It was so complicated I almost gave up. Years ago I changed to Republican in order to vote for Ronald Reagan and it only took about a minute. It was so easy. This time changing parties was almost impossible. Changing parties wasn’t even listed in the options on Florida’s election website. I had to burrow down and hope I was doing it right or have to start all over. In general there are few websites as poorly setup as government websites are. Rarely do you see a user friendly government website. I wish they put as much effort into theirs as Amazon does with its.

[User Manuals] We think we’re so much smarter these days. But 50 years-ago the owner’s manual M/C told you how to adjust the valves. Today it tells you not to drink the contents of the battery as it might be harmful.

[“Bring condo towers to the Keys”] Reply to the sick SOB who posted this: Go live in Dubai or Boca you freaking sick bastard!
[Waste] Does anyone ever read the junk that comes with your bills? Most bills include one or two. I never do, they’re never useful, just junk.
[Crazy] Nobody ever thinks he’s crazy, the bad guy, or a stalker, or a pain in the arse. And that’s the problem. Years ago I had a crazy of my own (Paul Ordway). We had many serious conversations where I’d pin him down trying to convince him that the voices that controlled his actions was only his conscience rolling around in his head. We all had it going on all the time. No dice.
[Government Dole] The government should stop supporting churches and artist. If either one is needed, their patrons will support them. If they’re not needed they will do something else or go away. If no one supports them they would have to find a real job and preach or make art in their spare time. That’s what patrons are for. religion and art are there to elicit emotions. If a kept artist sells a work for a million dollars does he give the government my money back? Do those TV churches with charismatic preachers, who take in millions a year from their rich congregations, really need my tax money to pay their property tax?

Super Bowl idol quarterback Tom Brady tosses Lombardi Super Bowl trophy while on a bender. Video

[Forgetfulness] Growing up I remember a lot fewer idiots being in the world.
[Times, they are a’changin’] The city of Key West has hired KCI Technologies to redesign, revitalize and update Duval Street. Man, when I came to Key West in 1976 it was the allure of a funky fishing village that made me want to stay. The fishing village is all but gone – and now they want to wash off the funk. Here’s my idea – paint all the crosswalks, fly Conch Republic flags from every post and mandate that every establishment have misting fans spray margarita scented mist throughout Old Town – oh, and you have to wear two masks. I remember the fun of having drinks and tossing peanut shells on the floor in the Chart Room with Mel, Deo, Don, Pat, Gene, etc.
Is it true that only artists and crooks lead interesting lives?

The only time you see a Zippo lighter is in movies where they need to start a fire. It’s the only lighter that will stay lit when you let it go. But who wants to worry about running out of fluid or having lighter fluid leak through your pocket and burn your thigh. I believe that’s why the good lord invented Bics.

Napoleon purchased the area of the Louisiana Purchase from Spain and then sold it to the colonies to raise missing monies that the French government squandered while he was away for 18 months trying to conquer Egypt.