2023 February

Friday, February 17, 2023

The un-social media since 2002 with 60,000 followers.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
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[Alec Baldwin] In the 12 months following the death of 42-year-old Halyna Hutchins in Bonanza City, New Mexico, Alec Baldwin has been bouncing about as usual on Twitter, sharing opinions, making jokes, and speaking out about – oh, yes, gun control. Perhaps your voice, Alec, isn’t the one America needs on this subject right now. Link
[Victim of Tech] I dropped off an older automobile for service. They tell me it will take longer than thought and gave me a free loaner, a late model Audi. I see it and ask if a basic Ford or Chevy is available instead. Nope. I can’t figure out how to put the Audi  in drive, how to open fuel cap. Then I push a button and it stops dead at a red light! Getting old? or has technology got me?
[Thinking] I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently, I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. ~George Carlin

Raquel Welch, the voluptuous movie actress who became the 1960s’ first major American sex symbol and maintained that image for a half-century in show business, died on Wednesday at her home in Los Angeles. She was 82. No cause was given.

Another person died while diving or snorkeling the Keys. I dive and snorkeled the Keys for 44 years. I go out with family, friends, or even on a tourist trip. Tourist trips are scary. I’m amazed the correct number of people at the start equals the same number at the finish. I feel safer with family/friends


The Monty Python ‘silly walk’ could replace your gym workout. Link

[Vaccination] CDC Adds COVID-19 vaccination to routine immunization schedules for children. Link
We hope you’re well this Presidents’ Day. In light of the patriotic holiday, We thought we would quickly send over a fascinating reading list we recently came across — especially if you’re a history buff or are looking to brush up on your presidential history. Per Barnes and Noble, here is a list of the ideal biography for every U.S. President. If you prefer watching to reading, check out Please keep in mind, our office will be closed in observance of the Holiday on Monday, February 20th ~ Isaksen Insurance. Link
[Tech Scam] Geek Squad scams are a type of imposter scam in which criminals pose as Best Buy’s tech support team and offer “help” with devices, accounts, or applications. But in reality, these scammers are trying to steal your personal information, get you to pay for fraudulent services, or gain remote access to your devices.


Here’s a very old picture of me.

[Friday Joke] A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay; you’ll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident, and we couldn’t find it.”
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.  They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”
The man perks up.
So, the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want.  But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now, she might be a bit put out.  If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed.
It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.” The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”
“Yes, I have,” says the man.
“And has she helped you make a decision?”
“Yes,” says the man.
“What is your decision?” asks the doctor. “We’re getting granite counter tops.”


At my age, rolling out of bed in the morning is the easy part. Getting off the floor is a whole other story.

[“Man killed for peeing on building in KW”] Picture this, you are found on the ground, bleeding, peeing yourself (because that was what you were doing) and wishing you waited till you got home. What a way to go.  Young men and old men, rethink your choices.

Here’s a first look at the plane used to shoot down the Chinese spy balloon.

[Friday Joke] Erectile Dysfunction Medicine. You’ve seen all the erectile dysfunction commercials. But what really happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours? I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman I was speaking with said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.
She asked if she could help me. I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male pharmacist. She assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.
I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, “As a shy man, this is tough for me to discuss, but here goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?” The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll talk to my sister.” When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length, and this is the absolute best we can do: 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, a king size bed and $3,000 a month in living expenses.

Hollywood legend and sex symbol Raquel Welch, 82, who starred in Fantastic Voyage and One Million Years B.C. dies following ‘brief illness’. Link
[Friday Joke] A businessman interviews a mathematician, an accountant, and an economist for a job. He asks each, “What is 2 + 2 ?” The mathematician answers, “Exactly 4.” The accountant replies, “Depending on what your interest, depreciation, and taxes are, approximately 2.” The economist walks over to the door, shuts and locks it, closes the blinds on the window, and leans over and softly asks, “What do you want it to be?”

If medicine worked you wouldn’t have to refill your prescriptions.
[Hates Text] It’s a damn shame that real computer email has all but fazed out of existence due to the new generation of thumb flickers on cell phones. Just goes to show how lazy and incompetent they have become!

Does anyone know the rules and regs to file the documents to run for President? Link
[Friday Joke] A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah. While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, “I’ll bet the antelope gets away.” The wife answered, “If that antelope survives this one, I’ll give you sex every day for the rest of your life.” Video

[“Chinese balloon”] I followed this Chinese balloon for almost 200 miles only to eventually realize it was bird poop on my windshield!

[Big Pine Library Book Club] Will meet tomorrow, the third Saturday of the month at 10am. All welcome. We will be discussing The Shadow of the Mountain by Silva Vasquez-Lava. You need not have read the book to join the discussion. Full Menu > Book Club
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 2/17/23 at 9:27 am.