2023 June

Friday, June 2, 2023

The un-social media since 2002 with 60,000 followers.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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Jammin’ on Picnic Island Sandbar: The Ultimate Florida Keys Party Experience! Wetstock 18. Video

[Education] An arena is enclosed, and a stadium is outside

[Memorial Day Flag Folding Ceremony] A 78 year-old flag removed from the casket of Soldier Sgt. John Alfred Zuidema, killed in action on March 25, 1945 in Germany, was mailed back to his next of kin in the United States, where it remained in a cardboard box until our Memorial Day Ceremony 2023.
The extraordinarily courageous and heroic Sgt. John Zuidema, was buried in the Netherlands American Cemetery in Margraten. Upon completion of the Flag Folding Ceremony at the Upper Keys Government Center, initiated at the “flag draped table”, Airborne Ranger Sgt. Brian Mundey, whom is being saluted after the flag had been “ceremoniously folded” by United States Marine John Donnelly, solemnly marched into the audience and presented the “Burial Flag” to Coral Shores High School Teacher Mr. Chuck Ellsworth, the Gold Star next of kin relative.

The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.

[Friday Joke] A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign over the bar which says:
Cheese Sandwich $1.50
Chicken Sandwich $2.50
Hand Job $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. “Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile, “Can I help you?”
“I was wondering,” whispers the man, “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”
“Yes,” she purrs, “I am.”
The man replies, “Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!
[Prized Boobs] These are the five BEST looking pairs of breasts according to men AND women (and size is NOT the be-all, end-all). Scientists in New York say they have found the best shape for someone’s breasts. It includes having breasts that are moderately sized with volume in the top area. Link
There are four Blood Drives in the Big Pine area in June.  Donor gifts are a One Blood Water Bottle and $20 eGift Card. To schedule an appointment visit and enter your zip code and the from and to dates.  Thank you for donating! Monday, June 5  – Bealls @ Big Pine Shopping Center  12 – 5, Sunday, June 11 – Keys Vineyard 8:30 – 12:30, Thursday, June 15  – Bealls @ Big Pine Shopping Center  12 – 5, Monday, June 26  – Bealls @ Big Pine Shopping Center  12 – 5

[Musicians Who Died at the Age of 26] Dead at 26 is not only for rock stars. We’re all aware of how many rock stars died at the age of 26, Jean Harlow the sexpot actress of the 30s also died at 26 (kidney failure). Link

[Artificial Intelligence] A reporter cloned his face and voice using AI and was able to get into his online bank account and withdraw money. How would someone be able to prove that AI emptied an account instead of a person?
American potato salad is lumpy mashed potatoes (and onions, pickles, etc) with mayo instead of milk. Foreign potato salad has big cubes of potatoes and little mayo.
[Bad News] There is an unfortunate increase in cancer trends among younger populations. Since 1990, age-adjusted cancer rates have increased between 2-4 percent annually in most countries in people 30 and younger. In Florida, researchers have seen this trend in the past 10 years. Specific cancers were found to have increased among younger individuals, ages 20- 39, over the past 10 years in Florida, including breast cancer, colon cancer, non-Hodgkin lymphoma, and leukemia.

[Podcasting] Here is what you need to have your own professional podcast. Your own TV studio for $300. You’ll also need professional lighting.

The AARP June 2023 Calendar is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
Please allow me to thank the “Coconut Telegraph” for their magnificent display and publication of our Memorial Day Ceremony. The audience was filled and eager to be treated to a solemn and uplifting event. The many moving and working parts of this ceremony were brilliantly and spectacularly carried out in every detail. They included extraordinarily super performances by the United States Coast Guard Honor Guard, Islamorada Station, Scout Troop 912, Key Largo Community Band with Maestro Robert Sax, Scout orator extraordinaire Zack Woltanski, singer Kathy Miller, bugler Hurbert, Airborne Ranger Sgt. Brian Mundey flag presenter, Gold Star recipient and Keynote speaker Mr. Chuck Elllsworth, Speaker Sandi Bisceglia and VFW Chaplain Tim Link.
Monroe County Director of Veterans Affairs Cathy Crane, tech-support Leonardo Morin and Jethon Williams, along with veteran’s service officer Kevin Perham, were logistically brilliant and steadfast, while laying the bedrock upon which this event rested. Without the guidance and leadership of our State Attorney and VFW Post 10211 Commander Dennis Ward, this Memorial Day Ceremony would not have been kept relevant and operational.
American Legion Islamorada Post 145, with their awesomely decorated military vehicle remains a groundwork of patriotic fervor, forever availing themselves in service to their country and community.
The Monroe County Sherriff’s Deputies and department, Key Largo Fire/Rescue and Truck Ladder Company under the direction of Chief Don Brock, law-enforcement agencies and first responders across the board; we thank you for your support and service to our county.
The Memorial Day videos presented were both breathtaking and heart-wrenching, reminding us the depths of the sacrifices endured by our veterans killed in action.
Mr. David Kay’s devotion and determination to memorialize our Memorial Day proceedings will be forever remembered, never forgotten and always appreciated. Thank you so very much. Sincerely, John Donnelly, Key Largo, FL

[Air] Remember when you could get air for free at the gas station? Now it’s a $1.50. I guess that’s the price of inflation

What’s the difference between a phone and a “burner” phone? You have to sign up for both and pay for both.
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[“Flax lily”] We were told that the deer don’t eat flax lilies. That might be true for yours, but not for mine. My deer are like goats and will eat anything if they’re hungry.

[Movies] How they add tension to a movie: Car won’t start, gun jambs, no cell service. Take those artifices away and the directors would be at a loss.
The recycling symbol is part of a ‘misinformation campaign’. The recognizable chasing arrows icon could be doing more harm than good—so the EPA wants to toss it. Link
Common eyewash myths debunked. OSHA requirements for eyewash safety stations. Link

[Rednecks] When the manager at Home Depot speaks fluent redneck.

Why are transgender people not called “It”? After all, they should be legally called what they were born as, but the sickos today want their own badge.
[Be Prepared For Hurricanes] Now is the time for you to prepare your home, loved ones, and belongings for the upcoming hurricane season. And while we don’t want to raise unnecessary alarms, we do want you to take these storms seriously. If you’ve ever lived through one, you know hurricanes are far more than “a little wind and rain.” The good news is there are steps you can take to get ready. Here are a few hurricane-preparedness tips to get you thinking about your home:
Determine your risk. You first need to know the potential wind and water hazards in your area, and then you can begin planning how to handle them. Remember, a hurricane’s impacts can be felt hundreds of miles inland.
Write (or review) your evacuation plan, and ensure everyone in your household is familiar with it. Set up group text messaging threads to communicate easily and efficiently once a storm is in the forecast.
Prepare your home and yard. Secure windows, doors, and outdoor items that could be picked up by strong winds. Move cars in the garage and ensure family pets have a safe place to shelter, too.
Organize your medications: During a hurricane or severe storm, evacuation may be necessary, and many businesses, including pharmacies, may be closed. Keep a list of current medications and, if possible, a two-week supply of each.
Take essential documents with you. Birth certificates, social security information, marriage licenses, and passports should be ready to travel with you in a waterproof, portable container.
Be ready to evacuate and be ready to stay. Be prepared to shelter in place if an evacuation is not possible, ensuring you have enough food, water, and supplies on hand to last for at least a week.
Have plenty of cash on hand. When the power goes out nothing works but cash.
Take a look at your current insurance policies. It’s important you know what will be covered – and what will not – in the event of a hurricane. We’re always happy to walk you through your policies and any additional coverage options.
Isaksen Insurance, Inc 305-872-0097  historical hurricane tracks by zip code
[Saint Pedophile Diddled 2000 Boys] Chicago Lost decades: More than 450 credibly accused child sex abusers—-four times the number disclosed by the church— ministered in the Catholic Church in Illinois from 1950 to 2019, a report released by Illinois’ attorney general disclosed this week. A five-year investigation found that clergy at the Archdiocese of Chicago and five other dioceses in the state abused 1,997 children over seven decades. The 696-page report details how church leaders were egregiously slow to admit the extent of abuse, confront accused clergy, or warn parishioners, instead sometimes relocating serial abusers from parish to parish. None of the accused are known to be in active ministry. Prosecutions or civil lawsuits are mostly impossible now. At least 330 of the accused clergy members are dead, and in other cases most suits are barred by statutes of limitations.
[Florida Travel Warning] The NAACP issued a travel advisory last week warning LGBTQ and non-white people that if they visit Florida, “beware that your life is not valued.” The advisory came days after Gov. Ron DeSantis signed legislation defunding diversity programs at Florida’s public universities, and after the state blocked high schoolers from taking an Advanced Placement course in African-American studies. The advisory also cited Florida’s voting restrictions and a law allowing concealed carry of firearms without a license. NAACP President Derrick Johnson said Florida has “become hostile to Black Americans.” LULAC, a Latino advocacy group, and Equality Florida, an LGBTQ rights group, recently issued similar advisories about visiting Florida, where the economy depends heavily on tourism

[Electric Cars] I’m getting ready for a road trip in my new EV

[Deer Editor, I did not say “treated” sewage because that would have been incorrect. I said “raw” sewage. The term “Jeen-yus” also was used, as a cynical disparagement of the authoritarian Pecksniffians who make incredibly rotten policy compulsory. Thank you. (Editor: Raw sewerage is never injected into the wells. Only treated sewerage is. Which I agree is foolish.)


[Smart Phone] If memory serves me right, this was the first Smart phone.

[World Control] Who do we want to be? or who does Big Brother want to govern?  Then figure out who developed this garbage.  Who wants world control?

My loving wife made pizza yesterday. I’ve learned over the years to ask for it slightly undercooked rather than over cooked.
Well, she made it her way and I honestly had to use a 4” putty knife to unstick it from the pan.

[?] Are they building concentration camps in the Keys or peasant shacks for the useless.

[Sandbagged?] President Biden falls over sandbag. How embarrassing. What was a sandbag doing on the stage in the first place? Was it a trap for the old man? Video

[Murphy’s First Law for Wives] If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five
[Fast Food] Yesterday I had an appointment which encroached on lunch. There was a Burger King that I saw close by and since it had been years since I had a Whopper, I thought I would give it a try. The two revelations I found were the exorbitant price – $13.75 – and how extremely small the Whopper has gotten. My brief foray into fast food was eye opening.
[Friday Joke] A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 7:30 pm after work. His wife begins screaming at him, and his friend just sits and listens. Wife: “My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the heii did you bring him home?”
Husband: “Because he’s thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo.”

Thanks to all who made Wetstock 18 a success. Everyone had a ball. You did it again Flip Flop Bob!

The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 6/1/23 at 8:50 am.