Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.
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|[Memorial Day Ceremony Review] Basking in love and fellowship, sourced from an extensive gathering of spirited citizens filling two tiers of the Murray Nelson Government Center Auditorium, a restorative healing was generated by the depth and sincerity of their gratitude, for the ultimate sacrifices that have been made for them by members of our Armed Forces.
There were many moving parts included in this year’s Memorial Day Ceremony. However, we sensed a need to orchestrate nothing less than a magnificent program for our audience and the Gold Star Father that was giving our keynote address.
Words are inadequate in describing the beauty and majesty with which each and every component of this elegant mosaic fell wondrously into place. Graciously, Video Dave live-streamed and recorded the event from start to finish.
United States Coast Guard Islamorada Station provided us an outstanding “Honor Guard”. They marched meticulously and performed flawlessly in opening the ceremony. Ms. Susan Bazin and our Community Band played the National Anthem to near perfection. An extraordinary lady made a surprise visit and gloriously sung with our band.
Deputy Dave Campbell’s bagpipe performance was absolutely awe-inspiring and breathtakingly magnificent. Coupled with a potent video, the stage was set for Gold Star Father Mr. David Wise’s oration. Mr. Wise’s impeccably flawless allocution, describing the life and details of his son’s death, caught the hearts and souls of the audience.
“Taps” was played faultlessly, note-perfect. The palpable energy generated from this ceremony healed and changed lives. Thanks so very much for everyone that made this event possible.
|[Crappy Places] Jamaica looks like areas I work at in West Virginia. Homes like that are all around the mountains in the Marcellous shale drilling sites. W. VA. has great people but get off the main roads and its every bit as blighted and impoverished as Jamaica or Haiti. Why they keep voting the same people in every election is beyond me.|
|The June AARP activities calendar is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events|
Last week’s mass murderer had 1500 rounds of ammo. I pay a dollar a round for .38 specials. The kid spent $1500 on bullets, plus around a grand for the gun. Where did he get all that money?
|[Friday Joke] Inflation is bad.
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
I called to get a Blue Book value on my car. They asked if gas tank was full or empty.
|[Mother-in-law] It was shortly after we were married. My husband and I were having an argument in her living room, my husband expected her to take his side. She came out of the kitchen and said You are my children, I don’t take sides go home and solve your problems. In all the time she was alive she never took sides, never treated me as anything but a loved daughter equal in affection with her much loved son. She taught me how to be a mother-in-law. You never take sides, you love the people your children married because they love and cherish your child. You don’t criticize them to anyone and you cherish them. I am a very fortunate mother-in-law. My son in law and my daughter in law love me and cherish me|
|Sugarcane is rich in antioxidants so it helps fights infections and boost the immunity. It’s rich in iron, magnesium, calcium and other electrolytes so it’s great for dehydration. It helps cure the common cold and other infections and also fight fever as it boosts the body’s protein levels. Antioxidants help combat free radicals (molecules that cause damage to cells) that can worsen several medical problems like diabetes, malaria, myocardial infarction, and skin cancer. Since it is best to chew sugarcanes rather than juice them, it also helps to keep teeth strong and healthy. Sugarcanes are loaded with micronutrients and aid the liver’s health too. The plant stalks include iron and magnesium in small amounts. They also have traces of vitamins B1 (thiamine) and vitamin B2 (riboflavin). Sugarcane juice is extremely beneficial to the liver. It helps the liver operate effectively by removing illnesses associated with the liver. The body’s immunity is boosted by drinking sugarcane juice. The body is protected from many forms of illnesses because of its powerful immune system. Link|
[Dog Poop] The planet needs you to pick up your dog’s poop. There are a pile of reasons to scoop, bury, or compost pet waste. Here are just a few. Link
|[Friday Story] That morning, I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy birthday,‘ and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ‘Happy Birthday. ‘ I thought, well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids, they will remember.
My kids came bouncing downstairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for work I felt pretty low and somewhat dejected. As I walked into my ofﬁce, my handsome boss, Rick, said, “Good morning, pretty lady and by the way Happy Birthday.’ I felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o’clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, “It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch just you and me.” I said, “Thanks Rick, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go.”
We went to lunch, but we didn’t go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each, and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office Rick said, ‘It’s such a beautiful day; we don’t need to go straight back to the office, do we?”
I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?” He said, “Let’s drop by my place, it’s just around the corner”.
After arriving at his house Rick turned to me and said, “If you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok,” I nervously replied.
He went into the bedroom and after a couple of minutes he came out carrying a huge birthday cake followed by my husband, my kids, my parents and dozens of my friends and co-workers all singing Happy Birthday To You.
Found the catnip, did we?
|Cache’s are where you store visited addresses and photos in your operating system’s cache folder. It’s automatic. Full caches are a common problem, and the first thing tech support usually has you do is clear them. Because of different equipment it’s best to just Google: how to clear browser cache. Your cache keeps memories, good and bad. The worst that can happen is next time it may take longer to load your sites –just the first time. When you do this, the browser will store the site’s meta data in your cache location for next time’s fast loading. You should do this periodically anyway.
In most web browsers, you can open menus used to clear cache, cookies, and history, by pressing Ctrl-Shift-Delete (Windows) or Command-Shift-Delete (Mac).
|Cuban oregano contains high amounts of: Ascorbic acid, Vitamin C, Vitamin A, and Essential fatty acid, omega 6. It has some amount of Vitamin E. Cuban oregano leaves also contains volatile oils, which have two compounds, thymol, and carvacrol, which have anti-bacterial and anti-fungal properties, making it a medicinal herb. Cuban Oregano is used for respiratory issues like Bronchitis, Allergies, Asthma, Colds, and Coughs. This plant has also been used to treat malarial fevers, convulsions, and epilepsy. For the digestive system, it treats indigestion and stomach cramps. Cuban oregano leaves are used in traditional medicine to treat sore throats, colds, coughs, nasal congestion, infections, rheumatism and even flatulence. The home gardener will find Cuban oregano is an easy-to-grow plant that does well in pots and containers. Consumption of Cuban oregano twice a day will provide relief from fever and allergic reactions. Apply a paste of Cuban oregano leaves on wounds to double the healing speed. Due to the anti-bacterial properties of Cuban oregano, it effectively relieves infections, rashes, and bacterial skin problems. Link|
|[Oldsters] Welcome to your 60s, where your back pain-face and your orgasm-face are the same face.|
|[Flying Cars] What it would take for cars to actually fly. Since the 1800s, inventors have struggled to design a hybrid craft that could traverse both earth and sky—but flying cars might soon get a new lift. Link|
|[Friday Joke] A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, ‘I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize, and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.’ So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, ‘Come on in.’
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch asked, ‘Are you the people that broke my window?’
‘Uh…yeah! , sir. We’re sure sorry about that,’ the husband replied.
‘Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for myself.’
Wow, that’s great!’ the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, ‘I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.’
‘No problem,’ said the genie ‘You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!’
‘And now you, young lady, what do you want?’ the genie asked.
‘I’d like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,’ she said.
‘Consider it done,’ the genie said. ‘And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary, and natural disasters’
And now,’ the couple asked in unison, ‘what’s your wish, genie?’
‘Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle, and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.’
The husband looked at his wife and said, ‘Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune and all those houses. What do you think?’ She mulled it over for a few moments and said, ‘You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?’ You know I love you, sweetheart,’ said the husband. I’d do the same for you!’
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes, and asked, How old are you and your husband?’ ‘Why we’re both 35,’ she responded breathlessly. ‘No Kidding,’ he said. ‘Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?
|[Children’s Coffins] Oh, how cute. Trey Ganem from Texas is making customized caskets for each of the 19 young victims and two teachers from the school shooting in Uvalde. He visited with the families last week so each casket is personalized to include each child’s interests. What an incredible act of kindness in the midst of such a tragedy. Imagine, instead of customized bikes or lockers bedrooms adorned with their favorite things, these little children are getting coffins. America is now broken beyond repair.|
|[“Hairy Nose”] Sounds like a wise guy from the days of the Teflon Don. You know, the friend of Joe The Lip.|
[World Oceans Day] Coastlove are holding a World Oceans Day event on June 12th at the Big Pine Community Park from 12 – 4.
|I was told by my bartender/lawyer there has never been a case of suing anybody in the Keys for medical malpractice because no one gets a legal license with the feathers and tambourine kit! [?]|
|[Transgender Barbie] The iconic toy company Mattel has created its first-ever transgender Barbie doll modeled after actor Laverne Cox, a male who has undertaken extensive efforts to look like a female. On May 25, Mattel announced the retail sale of the first transgender Barbie doll as part of the company’s “Tribute Collection Barbie.” The doll will become available for purchase for $40 on Tuesday at Amazon, Walmart, Target, and Mattel Creations. “Laverne uses her [sic] voice to amplify the message of moving beyond societal expectations to live more authentically. Laverne embodies the values of the Tribute Collection, and we’re thrilled to make her a part of it,” Mattel said in a press release. In 2014, Cox defended convicted rapist and murderer Synthia China Blast, who is likewise transgender. He later attempted to redact his support after public backlash. Link|
|[Friday Joke] “Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the madam.
He replied, “No, I must see Valerie.”
Just then, a gorgeous Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. “There are no discounts. The price is still $5,000.” Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row”. Where are you from? “The man replied, “Great Falls.”
“Really,” she said. “I have family in Great Falls.”
“I know.” the man said. “Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.”
The moral of this story is that three things in life are certain:
3. Being screwed by a lawyer.
|[Woman Sues Glock] A woman wounded in last month’s mass shooting on a New York City subway filed a lawsuit Tuesday against the maker of the handgun allegedly used in the attack and its parent company, accusing the firearm manufacturer of “reckless disregard for human life.” Authorities say a 9mm Glock semiautomatic handgun was used in the attack. In her lawsuit, filed in federal court in Brooklyn, Ilene Steur said Glock has “endangered the public health and safety” with the marketing, and distribution.|
|[Ridiculous Jail Sentence For Pot] Richard DeLisi, longest-serving pot inmate in US, to get early freedom. Link|
|[Friday Joke] After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn’t lie because God is watching. Then, the girl took two cookies and lied about it. When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges.|