2016 March

Friday, March 16, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

st pat snakes in seaThursday was Saint Patrick’s day. Saint Patrick was the priest who brought Roman Catholicism to the pagans of Ireland. Patrick’s birth name was Maewyn. He was born in Roman Britain. He was kidnapped into slavery and brought to Ireland. He escaped to a monastery in Gaul (France) and converted to Christianity. He went back to Ireland in 432 as a missionary. While Christianity had already taken hold in the country, tradition has it that Patrick confronted the Druids at Tara and abolished their pagan rites, making Christianity more widespread. Patrick became a bishop. All the rest is myth and legend. Link
sticker-token free
[“Sleep With Me”] You are not correct in your assumption. Maybe you go to those sites looking for sex along with the other perverts, but I have a niece and a cousin who both met their spouses on dating sites. One has been married for six years and the other eight.


The Battleship Maine Court of Inquire began its deliberation on the USS Iowa anchored off Sand Key Lighthouse in 1898.

[Peary Court Referendums Defeated] Key West voters sent a clear message of “no” to a proposal for the city to purchase Peary Court for $55 million.
thank you sea horse


Shout out to Bernie from Big Pine Key’s Doctor’s Arm area.  Thanks so much for helping us out on our maiden sea voyage!  ~~Richard, Lisa and Merlin

With this year of epic traffic, can you imagine what it would be like if they didn’t stop the Ragnar Race? That was a very good decision by the BOCC.
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What kind of gun should I carry? Big bore, small compact? Everyone’s got their position and they’re all correct. A given fact is that hand guns’ .22LR bullets have killed more people than all the other hand gun calibers combined. Now in your everyday life are you likely to come into contact with drug crazed people? Then obviously you want the biggest bore you can carry, but there goes concealability. So maybe it’s only the casual thug/mugger, rapist, armed robber that you’re rightful concerned about. The .380’s are very popular now and have all the features that people desire, however they won’t stop like a .50 Action Express. If you haven’t been shot, it’s hard to imagine the instantaneous pain. It kind of takes your mind off what you were doing. Small handguns are easier to control for a follow up shot, that’s one reason for the .22LR. You can get a .22LR of similar size with 3 to 5 extra bullets if necessary. I used to carry a good old 1911, because I listened to what the 1st Sergeant said. I studied and decided there was a better solution. I particularly liked the .22WMR a Varmint round in a semiauto handgun. It’s small, very fast, easily controllable, and Varmint projectiles are designed to do maximum damage. Also not very concealable, but with a 30 round magazine and practically no felt recoil it works for me. And if I were in situations requiring me to be in areas with numerous drug crazed felons I’d just carry another magazine. All this sounds very cruel. Oh well, it could be your life or someone you love that you’re defending.
no-oil-drilling[No Oil Drilling in Atlantic] In a major reversal, the Obama administration said Tuesday it will bar oil drilling in the Atlantic Ocean, a move cheered by environmentalists and consistent with the president’s aggressive steps to combat climate change. Interior Secretary Sally Jewell said the decision “protects the Atlantic for future generations.” Officials listened to thousands of people in coastal communities from Florida to New England who said, “Now is not the time to start leasing for oil off the Atlantic Coast.” Link
[FantasyFest] The lodging industry and the bars and restaurants should pony up the money to produce this festival, as they’re the ones that benefit from the 10-day festival. There is no reason why the citizens of Key West should pay $225,000 to the producers of the fall festival when the citizens don’t benefit.


[Drinking Water] It is a fact that the FKAA is putting DHMO (Dihydrogen monoxide) in the pipes and delivering it to your home. DHMO can cause metal items to corrode and may also in some cases cause severe burns if in direct contact with skin.  Everyone who drinks from the tap needs to call FKAA and register a stern complaint.

Last week’s Marathon Seafood Festival. Video
[“Problems with Cudjoe sewer plant”] As someone who was one of the first to hook up, I’m puzzled by all these reports of problems on the CT and only on the CT.  If there were operational issues, wouldn’t one of the local news agencies report on this or someone have a public complaint?  We’ve had no issues or seen no issues with our service.  I wonder if the IKC has been resurrected in a new ‘corporate mission’ to weave a tall tale.
harry-areial-42k[For Sale By Owner Big Pine Key] Very special Glenn Gray designed contemporary concrete 3 bedroom, 3 1/2 bath, 2750 square foot home, with separate semi-detached guest house on a lovely tranquil acre in a park-like neighborhood of Punta Brisa on Big Pine Key. Three tiled decks, 30 foot cut-in boat slip with davits and easy bay /ocean fishing access. Water view, circular drives, private road, amazing landscaping, 700 square foot legal storage and 2800 square feet more storage under house for vehicles, boats, RV and more. There are not many homes this impressive for the price. $750 K. By owner. 1654 Ford Rd. Phone 305-587-9120 for appointment.
Help support the movement to allow WW2 Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASPs) to be buried in Arlington. Support all the troops. Link
trombone slide colored notesI went to the 10th Annual Bone Island ‘Bones Concert Wednesday night. Every one of them are really superb musicians! I was especially impressed with the gifted trombone playing of Joe Dallas, Sr., using a borrowed student level Yamaha ‘ bone so that he would not have to trust his usual ax to airline baggage handlers on his flight from Pittsburgh. Students had free admission, but I saw none there. Watching Joe play that student trombone so superbly would be worth a semester or two of music classes, just in inspiration! He makes it sing! Link
Twice now I have had an annoying delay develop between laptop PC key-presses and appearance of the letters on screen. I had lots of on-line advice on how to remedy this, but none of it worked. What has worked is restoring Windows 7 to a date before the last security update from Microsoft. I have automatic Windows updates turned off, but these come in anyway in the small nighttime hours. Somebody else needs to know what to do when these key delays occur.
A friend of mine was so old they forgot about candles on his cake, they just used Napalm!
zombie boo


I watched ‘The Walking Dead’ last night, they must have filmed it in the Keys Bars and Restaurants considering the help we get down here!

[“Complete and Finished“] When the right woman finds you with the wrong woman, you are completely finished!
[“No refund”] I forwarded the email I sent to John (, in hopes that it would be my rebuttal. If you did not get it please let me know. It’s easy to trash a business for no reason, and he did for no reason. I was more than willing to do the right thing if he had answered my 3 calls. Thanks for being here for all of us, right or wrong. ~Pamela, Summerland Sandal & Surf.
P.S. this is not my rebuttal!
[Sewers] I awoke pondering the confused implementation of wastewater in the Keys. Who owns what? Who is paying for what? FKAA bought the extremely distressed, privately bubba-owned Key Haven collection system and treatment plant for big dollars, knowing it needed massive repairs. I am not sure of the details on FKAA’s “taking over” of the Boca Chica Naval Station WW infrastructure, which is also extremely distressed. Both plants treat mostly salt water I hear. I heard Key Haven’s sewage may get pumped to Stock Island (private WWTP) and the Navy’s sewage is planned to go to the Big Coppitt plant (County owned) that already overloads on heavy rain days. I’m not sure who would own the forcemains along DOT and County roads. Very confused ownership abounds.

I’m not sure where the $8 million came from to repair and upgrade the Hawks Cay WWTP now owned by FKAA, but it sure wasn’t from Hawks Cay. They left the table laughing at the sweet deal with 125,000 gallons per day of free reclaimed water forever, pumped by FKAA from about a half million dollar tank and pump station that replaced Hawk Cay’s couple of skid-mounted pumps sucking out of a plastic-sheeted man-made pond. The old WWTP had sewage squirting out of holes in the tanks and a sizable tree growing in the clarifier.

Sewer rates from all FKAA areas are expected to cover the capital costs of rebuilding the previously private Navy and Key Haven systems. We have all heard how County funds paid for private island Shark Key’s gravity collection system. Water rates (from all areas of the Keys) covered the inspection costs of the County’s sewer collection systems. FKAA employees were told by management that it was illegal to use water rates to pay for sewer costs, but they were nevertheless directed to charge their sewer construction hours to a water piping project since FKAA had insufficient sewer revenue to fund these sewer capital costs…. for the County-owned infrastructure.

There appears to be a lot of misappropriated funding going on through back door arrangements, and several private entity bailouts at public expense. I guess that is to be expected when there is no meaningful oversight.

female sex symbol[How women’s sexual desire works] There is no such thing as a sex drive, according to American sex educator, Emily Nagoski. She tells Jane Garvey that there is an ‘accelerator’ and a ‘brake’ and explains how they work. Audio
I’m glad that Murray’s Market on Summerland Key took down the rest of the letters on their building. Thier roadside sign is easier to read and much more professional looking.



Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean … lean against tables, chairs, floors, walls and the ground.

[Government Waste] I have seen money wasted in some very creative ways (ever been to Big Pine Key overpasses?), but this one takes the whole pie. $250,000 for a DOT master plan. Allison Higgins, the cities sustainability coordinator says it will be a “Great document” in the end. For $250,000 I would expect a masterpiece. How about this. Take, say, $20,000 and put up signs, FDOT seems to be very good at that, that say. Ride a bicycle like an assh**e and you get a ticket! Then, make the cops do their jobs. To think that there’s a bicycle safety coordinator paid by the city makes me sick.
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Open letter to Sheriff Ramsey: Driving up and down the Keys it’s hard not to notice Deputies driving while distractedly talking on cellphones. Isn’t it the obligation of the Sheriff’s Department to set the example? I’m led to believe that all your deputies on duty have “hot mics” so their activities are monitored. If so, then what could cellphone usage be for? and especially while driving and having situational awareness? The only thing they’re aware of is their phone. You need to clean up your house first.


This is Lexi. She’s an 8 week-old German Sheppard. I bought Lexi as a surprise for my wife, but it turns out she is allergic to dogs, so we are now trying to find her a new home. She is 39 years old, a beautiful and caring woman who drives, is a great cook, and keeps a good house.

[Port Pine Heights’ Sewers] The new water mains have been tested and chlorinated. Crews are presently flushing from numerous points in Port Pine Heights. Some of these locations will be constantly flushing until all chlorine has been removed and bacteria testing completed. Do not be alarmed, the water must not remain stagnant and will continue to flow until each dwelling has been connected to the new water lines. Paving will resume after the water lines are connected. If you have any questions that must be addressed, call the proper FKAA office at 305- 745-3991.
finger pointing rightWe had nuisance neighbors in BPK who were famous on the Coco Telly for walking down the street thru Wilma storm sewage[?]. Thankfully we are out from underneath the home[?] while they bought a Palatka house 252% higher than its value for $580,000 and today it is worth $331,000. A quarter of a million dollars’ down is quite a karmic present. He said he was going to make me broke and now we still laugh all the way to the bank while they waddle around in another shanty town with over a quarter of their residents living under the poverty level. Remember when you point fingers at someone there are three fingers pointing right back at yourself.
[“Killer cats”] Haven’t you taken pictures of raccoons tearing the shit out of bunnies of any size, or 7′ long eastern diamondbacks swallowing a still kicking bunny or how about the pit bull ripping the throat out of Bambi. And if you think these bunnies are here because God put them here you probably believe those pigmy Virginia Whitetail deer just swam down from Everglade City. It’s historically native Americans and our own Jack Watson. In ‘1952 & ’53 he took a bunch of his bubbas up to the Everglades, captured a bunch of Everglades Whitetails and released them here. Piners back then were eating fresh killed venison. I’m aware of deer being taken for feasts by multigenerational Piners into the middle 90’s. Those Whitetail deer were brought here for food. There’s even a legend about a guy living somewhere down Chapman Way that was raising rabbits for food and things got out of hand so he opened the cages and turned them loose, maybe creating the marsh rabbit.
[“Sea level rise”] Somebody posted that ice floating above the water level will add to the water level, and that water expands when warmed. Nope- it doesn’t expand from a frozen state to liquid. Try this: Fill a jug right to the top with water and put it in the freezer. (or take it way up north with you). You will discover that the water does not all fit in the jug when it is frozen. But if you take all the ice that does not fit and save it, and then let the jug and excess ice thaw, it will all fit in the jug again. It is all water, but expands and becomes less dense as ice. In other words, a cubic foot of ice weighs less than a cubic foot of water, which is why ice floats. If floating, the ice will displace its weight in water and make a “hole” in the water that is just big enough to contain the water that results from melting the ice. In other words, No sea level rise from melted ice. Find another excuse.
By the way, have you noticed all the new islands that are growing out of the water that are now apparent as you drive over the Keys bridges? Maybe the earth is expanding and pushing the water up! How’s that for a sea level rise excuse?
temperature hot sweat

[Daily High a Lot Hotter] I watch the 10-day forecast on It shows highs around 79-80º. How come it’s so much hotter anywhere from 85-91º?

[“GMO Mosquitoes”] I’m not sure I follow all the concerns here.  Folks are dead set against GMO, but it’s all over the place.  I’m not sure I consider seedless watermelon, labradoodle dogs, etc to be such a big problem.  I know folks were railing against Monsanto in the past, but Bill Nye did an in depth on-site review and came away with a very supportive review on their seeds/traits and how they cross-breed to create the best crops.  So here we are again with the mosquitoes and the debate. Hopefully we’ll get over it soon and have disease-free bugs.
alien reading



Watching TV and the political BS, the gobs of advertising, the silly soaps, the idiot news, the lousy movies, the fake contests, the useless other junk, if it wasn’t for NCIS reruns and the Weather Chanel chick with that nice ass, I’d read a book!

[Sea Turtle Nesting Season] Sea turtle nesting season in Florida runs from March 1 to October 31 (Atlantic) or May 1 to October 31 (Gulf); however, sea turtles aren’t expected to nest in the Keys until mid-April. Five species of sea turtle are found in the waters of south Florida: loggerhead, green turtle, leatherback, Kemp’s ridley, and hawksbill. All five of these species were once more abundant; however, they are all now listed as either threatened or endangered under the Link
If a civil war breaks out here, whose side will Florida be on or will it go East to West instead of North and South?

I was going to have an art garage sale and offer my families collection of fine art, but was told I would waste my time because I have no black velvet or paint-by-the-numbers art to sell.

We had guests from a cruise ship visit for lunch and their comments about KW were disparaging about the dirt and huckster tourist circus. They won’t be back.
osprey fish in talon 300h


I saw two ospreys in the nest on the platform atop the Summerland Post Office building last week. I wonder if there are eggs and/or hatchlings?

[FKAA sand pile update] Last Sunday night while traveling on Littons Way on Big Pine I struck a huge pile of sand that had been dumped by the FKAA sewer contractors blocking 2/3 of the road way.  No traffic cones, warning markers or lights. Nothing to warn a driver that a hazard existed ahead on a pitch black road at night.  No damage to car or driver but required a tow out of the sand pile. Monday morning, I called Monroe County Public Works to advise them of the hazard.  I was connected with a very nice gentleman who told me that it would be taken care of.  Later that afternoon I again traveled along Littons Way and noted that the pile was already surrounded by reflective traffic cones.  By Tuesday Noon the pile was gone.  Kudos to County Public Works for a quick response and a pox on FKAA for allowing their contractors to create this type of hazard.
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Deer Sheriff, please pass a Dumb Driving Law to make idiots take a real driver school course.
police writing ticketI was issued a written warning by Fish and Wildlife on 3/15/16 on Fern Ave in Eden Pines. The warning claims this is marsh rabbit habitat and a domesticated animal was roaming freely in the NWR.  I suppose the basis of this violation is that such action may endanger the rabbit if there are any.  What evidence and/or statistics are available to support the claim that cats are killing marsh rabbits, thus endangering their survival?  What evidence and/or statistics are available to support the existence of marsh rabbits in this area of the refuge?  This information should be easily accessible to determine the validity of the citation.

Shall I trust the Refuge when they make such a claim?  Well, I trusted them when they said it was necessary to conduct controlled burns on the island, yet they put residents and their homes at risk and burned down a goodly chunk of our island.  I trusted them when they said building a multi-million dollar underpass on US 1 would help preserve the Key deer overpasses that are not much more than very expensive campgrounds for the homeless. I’m not going to trust them anymore.

I can’t believe they’re able to sleep at night.  My responsibility as a pet owner is to protect it.  How can I protect an animal that has never caused a problem for anyone or anything when the Feds are baiting traps to capture pets across the street from their homes without notice to the people who live in the neighborhood?  Then they take the animal to a shelter 25 miles away where it very well could be adopted by someone before the owner even gets a chance to claim it. Shame on you. This activity is at best unscrupulous, and at worse deceitful and underhanded. It is a cowardly and conniving means to facilitate your dishonorable project. Are you proud of your project?  Are you proud of your actions?  I’m not and neither should you.

coffee maker

There is no electric coffee maker made in the US and that the only kitchen appliances made in the US are by Viking?

The blue note, along with a lot of blues songs is a little boring. Much more interesting is the brown note – a frequency that causes humans to lose control of their bowels due to resonant frequencies.  There are a few bands down here that hit the brown note on occasion and the repercussions are not pretty.


[Lube Job] Finally they can fix your back!

When you attempt to look at the biz baz page does anyone see photos?  I never see photos. You would think that the people in charge would know this, that their IT person has been contacted. Link.
And now for your viewing pleasure, a time lapsed video of the Keys during lobster mini-season. Video
It is a good idea to check your credit cards to make sure they have fraud protection. Just call the company if you are not sure!


Key West’s Orchid Society March newsletter is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events

I had two St Patrick ‘s Day dinners this week. One at the Big Pine Moose Lodge on Saturday and one on March 17th at Springers Bar and Grill. Without a doubt the Moose was the best of all. Larger portions, better tasting and a bit cheaper. The Springer corned beef was very salty. Whatever brine the moose used was excellent. If you’re in the area next year I would highly recommend going to the Moose for ST Paddy’s day. Overall rating of both out of 5. Moose 4.9, Springers 2.5.
bill-caveI know for a fact that FKAA lies about the quality of their so-called “best drink in town” water. How badly do they lie? Let’s find out! KAR Laboratories in Michigan has a mail order drinking water test kit for as low as $50 including shipping both ways for a report of 95 parameters. Many of these parameters are not even on that “Water Quality Confidence Report” that DEP requires FKAA to publish so you will feel good about the poisoned water they sell. “Con Report” is indeed a good name for it. Sometimes the reported test results are not even from the same year! I am sending off for a test sample kit, and I might even spring for one of the more expensive reports to really get the scoop. If you do, too (maybe pooling money with neighbors for a kit), then let’s compare results from different Keys and publish a compilation! Does it get worse at it travels down the Keys or further from the transmission main? You can email your test results to and I’ll do the rest! Here’s the KAR ordering site. Link
Most people would be better of using an anal phone then a cellphone, especially while driving.
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I don’t like the way movies depict woman as dumb and incompetent. Woman are as smart as men. I can’t wait to meet one like that some day!


The next must have form of transportation for the Keys, the motorized beercycle.

People knock the Keys as not being paradise and they are usually right because the Keys are turning into the same garbage dumps as the Caribbean has.
handicap wheelchair rotateI’m a 76-year old 80% disabled wounded warrior and have a wheelchair symbol license on my car. Today at the Winn Dixie parking lot I pulled into a handicap spot close to the Radio Shack ramp and as I was walking toward the ramp I noticed a woman pushing a grocery cart and turned into my parking spot next to the new concrete curb waiting to be picked up. The vehicle, an SUV with a West, by god, Virginia plate pulled up, the women unloaded her groceries and was preparing to climb in leaving the cart in my handicap spot almost touching my car. I shouted, “Lady don’t leave your cart in the handicap spot, some disabled person will have to get out of the car and move your cart”. She flipped me off and proceed to climb in. I screamed at her very loudly (I was a drill instructor in the army), “GO HOME–WE DON’T WANT PEOPLE LIKE YOU HERE?” And screw their money.
All the insults about the NJ fat chicks are founded in fact, but it would be much nicer if those fat chicks were only three feet tall or about the height of a bar stool[?].


Gee, it’s great to get birthday wishes from all the companies I hate to get advertising from, but these computer generated masterpieces are better than nothing I guess.

Does the Conch Republic qualify as a country if the Donald were ever to win?
The best way to stop North Korea from starting WW3 is to open a Dunkin’ Donut shop with over-sized donuts that taste like kimchee and let the fat brat run the franchise!
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