2017 May

Friday, May 12, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

[Respect The Dead] They want to get rid of the County coroner it seems, because he doesn’t treat bodies with respect and care. The county requested the audit after receiving public complaints that the medical examiner was transporting bodies in the open bed of a pickup, once with a stop at a restaurant’s drive-through window. It goes to show there’s a stiff at every party.
[BPK Convenience Store Stolen From] Teresa Blanco, of Little Torch Key, was charged with grand theft. The 41-year-old grocery store employee is accused of stealing more than $10,000 in lottery tickets”

It’s hard to believe she didn’t win a lot of money, but I recon she didn’t because she’s still working at the Big Pine convenience store. Gambling and stealing can be addictive once you win.

[19th Century African Explorers] When the escaped soldiers come in, they pay me a visit, and are

given a dollar and made to look at their black pug faces in the mirrors, which are in the palace. They are asked their opinion of their reflection. Some stare with wide open eyes, for they have never seen themselves before. They generally approve of the reflections, especially the black sluts, who think themselves Venuses, and shove their hands into their mouths, which is a general sign among blacks of great modesty, like the casting down of the eyes with us. It stands to reason that in countries where there are no mirrors, every one must be a complete stranger to himself, and would need an introduction.

[Narcissism] Frank Lloyd Wright embraced his ego throughout his life, promoting it to the world without an ounce of modesty. Plenty of people are narcissistic. Wright’s behaviors line up with a more deeply entrenched mental health diagnosis: narcissistic personality disorder. Symptoms include a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, exploitive behavior in relationships, and a lack of empathy. Most people who exhibit characteristics of the disorder see nothing wrong with their behavior, nor do they recognize its impact on others. “Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility,” Wright famously said. “I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.” Wright unabashedly fiddled with the truth- how he got his jobs, how much his buildings would cost, even the date of his birth. Records show that he was born on June 8, 1867, but Wright later declared the year to be 1869, presumably because he wanted to appear younger in his elder years. Wright reminds many people of the current President’s narcissism.

[Crook] Teresa Blanco, of Little Torch Key, was charged with grand theft from a Big Pine convenience store. The 41-year-old is accused of stealing more than $10,000 in lottery tickets.

[Magnesium] Newly released research from the Universities of Bristol (UK) and Eastern Finland discovered that over a 20 year period, men with what is currently considered excessive levels of magnesium in their body suffered no bone fractures, and guys with the lowest levels had 44% more breaks (especially hips) than the guys with higher levels. Magnesium oil sprayed on the skin or rubbed in (great over sore muscles!) or Epsom salt soaks are the best way to boost your magnesium levels without any laxative effects. You absorb it right through the skin (your largest organ).
[GMO Corn Good For You] The Feds are reportedly providing $3 million to the FDA to “educate” us about how safe and wonderful GMO corn and soy are. It should be more effective to have that “educational” message delivered through the FDA than directly from Monsanto. And we can pay for that education directly from our taxes. They make it so effortless to learn! Is this a great country or what?
[You’re Special] I received a very long letter recently from Tom Can’t-reveal-my-last-name-but-you-would-recognize-it-as-rich-and-powerful from Utah. He said his secret society, The League, has had me on their radar for years and are now offering me a chance to join The League because I am such a wonderful, honorable, worthy person. Just return the acceptance form and he will send me for free, The Secrets To Fame And Fortune and I will get laid all I want. I wondered why he sent such an exclusive invitation in presorted machine stamped 40 cent mail. So I went to the internet. Sure enough, Rip-off Report had lots of postings about the League, who sends only a free invitation to send $139 for a book of nonsense with no refunds. Why do I not feel so special now?
Stalin sacrificed 24 million Russian lives in order to beat Hitler


I’m not sure but I think cat meat makes you invisible.

[Movies] How come when the killer is in a car, chasing his escaped victim down the road the escaped victim tries to outrun the car instead of dashing off into the bush?

[Statue of Confederate President comes down] The Confederate-era memorial is the second to be removed. Two more are slated for removal.

I thought the reason that they we’re given a monument, was for extreme help in our military? Maybe they could all be put in one museum & protected for people to still realize the history. Video

[Donald Trump, Richard Nixon and Watergate] What’s the same and what’s different? There are similarities between President Richard Nixon, President Trump and Watergate. Video
When I got home from work my wife said, “Take me somewhere expensive tonight.”  I drove her to a gas station. That’s when the fight started.
[Advice From the Ocean]  Be shore of yourself.  Come out of your shell.  Take time to coast.  Avoid pier pressure.  Sea life’s beauty.  Don’t get tide down.  Make waves.
A certain ex-Alabama lawyer just isn’t right in the head. He only stays in the Keys because he blends in. Anywhere else and he would be in the funny farm already. It’s easy to see, in my opinion, his supporters are as crazy as him. Now poor Deer Ed got ensnared in his craziness. Damn, collateral damage is a bitch. Better call Saul!
[Language Police] My favorite radio station is WPIK, the Cuban music station in Key West. I like it because I like Latin music and I like it because I can’t understand the words. They get their English translations wrong sometimes, like the pre-recorded lady says, “WPIK. The fabulous of the Florida Keys”.  “The fabulous of”?
[Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary] Keys Marine Sanctuary investigation next week: failure, failure everywhere. Next week a federal team will investigate “waste, fraud, abuse and a hostile work environment” at the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary. Years of squandering millions of dollars at Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary.  That Sanctuary Advisory Counsel stands for nothing but lies and theft. Link



If you play a musical instrument check this out, it’s very true. If I played my music as often as I thought about my music, I’d be playing Carnegie Hall tonight.

[Porn Stars] I have watched porn sites since the web started and never once recognized anyone.
[Develop] Why isn’t the land at the former Road Prison being re-purposed as affordable housing?

Just reminiscing about Pine Key, sorry… Big Pine Key, and the changes that have taken place, some very good, others just part of what comes with growth. Big Pine Key remains the most unaffected of the over populated keys. It’s natural beauty, both on the water and on the key itself is still easy to find. For that I am thankful. Get out side and taste it.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store. Enjoying 34 years of being you local bar. Thank you

[Rednecks] West Virginia Uber. Video

[Passenger Bill of Rights] Minimum distance to seat back and minimum seat width. That’s all we want. They can even keep their crappy Goldfish. We are not sardines, don’t treat us like them. Humans are not schooling fish. We hate being anywhere closer than 30″ from another human.

[Cellphones A Hazard] The #1 hazard in Florida is the cellphone. Last year more than 45,000 accidents were caused by distracted driving. Of those 45,000 accidents 39,000 had injuries and 214 mothers, fathers, children were slaughtered because some snowflake thought it was more important to kibitz within their social connections than to pay attention to diving their instrument of death and destruction. How much are these social butterflies costing us? How much are our medical rates increasing? how much are our insurance rates increasing? This is a national pandemic. Sure the gov. passed a no texting ordinance, but it’s a 2nd class thing and is it actively being enforced? A big no. Why aren’t our politicians stopping this slaughter on our highway? The technology has been available for over 50 years to deactivate transmission communication devices while a vehicle is in motion, so why isn’t this mandatory? Is it that the politicians accept the carnage and costs rather than risk votes? Where’s the priority here?

Lately there has been stories about alligator attacks in Florida–small boy eaten by Gator at Disney resort, golfer’s arm bitten off by Gator when reaching for ball in water hazard, 10-year-old girl opens gators jaws to escape. It appears that alligators are a major problem in Florida. But hold your horses, since 1948 there has been 388 attacks and 24 deaths by alligators. That’s 24 deaths in 69 years, that’s terrible.

Here are some faces to the names of the origination of the ‘hostile work environment‘ creators at the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. Link
The next meeting of our Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this Saturday, May 13, 10 am at the senior center.  Hope to see you there. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
[Saturated Fats No Longer Bad] An international group of cardiologists have published a report debunking much of what the mainstream (Big Pharma funded) has been preaching for many years. Spokesman Dr. Aseem Malhotra, a cardiologist at the Lister Hospital in the UK, reported that their research shows “This idea that dietary saturated fats build up in the coronary arteries is complete unscientific nonsense.” As for so-called “bad” LDL cholesterol, Dr. Malhotra reports “If you’re over 60,” LDL cholesterol “is not associated with cardiovascular disease.” Actually, it’s low LDL in seniors that’s linked to “all-cause mortality,” he said. (you can probably toss that statin prescription along with its high-risk side effects of muscle damage, diabetes, and narrowed arteries). They blamed chronic inflammation for most heart disease and that is linked to stress, heavy carbohydrate consumption and the most common vegetable oils (but not olive and some others).
Regarding MaryAnne at former Underseas Dive Shop, I wish that each day brings her strength and a happier, healthier MaryAnne.
Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of other men —above all for those upon whose smile and well-being our own happiness depends, for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received and am still receiving. ~Albert Einstein.

Albert said some very good stuff. What does Albert mean? Well, I think to start with, we are here to serve. We are here to leave more than we take. We are here to make a difference–even in a small way. A fine glass vase goes from treasure to trash, the moment it is broken. Fortunately, something else happens to you and me. Pick up your pieces. Then, help me gather mine.   ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Big Pine Key

Give a person a fish and they will eat for a day.  Teach a person to use the internet, and they won’t bother you for weeks–maybe years!


Orchids are big business. Today over £5m of orchid hybrids are imported as cut flowers into the UK each year. For the Victorians orchids were the chosen ornaments of royalty and captured the 19th century fascination with scientific oddity and imperial conquest. Audio

[Sombrero Light] “Please restore the weather monitoring station equipment at Sombrero Light.” I realize that the Sanctuary does not maintain the light and equipment. However, Sombrero Light is a fixture within the Sanctuary. A resolution from your Board of Directors would be most helpful.
[Robo Calls] The FCC advice: If you do answer a call and are instructed to hit a button to stop receiving calls, just hang up.  Don’t hit a button. It almost surely won’t help and could hurt you.  “Scammers often use these tricks to identify, and then target, live respondents,” the FCC says. If you get a call that you believe is a scam, write down the phone number and file a complaint with the Ask your phone company whether it offers a service to block robocalls. “If not, encourage your provider to offer one. If you’ve responded to a “Can you hear me” call, watch your statements from your phone company, bank and credit card company. Register all of your phone numbers on the National Do Not Call Registry. If you can find the SOBS that call, go to their location and shoot the MoFo’s!


I figured out why no space aliens have visited us and it’s very simple. We Earthlings are dirty. Yes, very dirty, from the ground up. Don’t believe me? Go lick the bottom of your shoes, chew on a dollar bill, touch your lips after touching a bar stool, kiss a street person, your dog, it goes on an on. I don’t blame any alien for not wanting to shake my hand.

More errors arise from inhibited indecision then from impulsive behavior.  ~Morris Ernst
[Sears Sucks] I waited by my home phone for four hours for the Sears repairman to phone. He never did. I tried to get Sears to add my cellphone number to the repair order but they couldn’t do it so I had to sit by the phone for 4 hours. No one showed up. After much ado, Sears said they had to order the part. They sent me 2 emails and the day before, 1 phone call saying the repairman would be here today from 1-5. But they didn’t even give me one call or email telling me he wasn’t coming.

No wonder they closed 150 stores and sold the Craftsman brand. Their stock was only $5, but it just went up to $10 because the board members are buying shares like crazy trying to keep Sears open. Link

[Brain Drain] At one time the United States was the place for foreign scientists and students to come and work. Our government encouraged it, it was called by foreign governments the “brain drain.” So now it looks like the process is being reversed. Video

[Crook] Michael Glennon, 34, of Big Pine Key was charged with fraud, burglary, theft and dealing in stolen property. He is accused of stealing power tools from a business and pawning them at a local pawn shop.

Offshore Drilling increases the overall supply of the oil that hits the general market. Oil is the commodity which is based on supply and demand. By committing to offshore drilling, the possibility of adding more oil to reduce the local costs becomes possible.
[Why We Need AirBnb] The average daily hotel rate has gone down by 8.5 percent, or almost $40, from $393 to $353. The Keys maintained the state’s highest average daily rate during that period at $315.
[Plastic] A Dutch foundation aiming to rid the world’s oceans of plastic waste says it will start cleaning up the huge area of floating junk known as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch within the next 12 months.


If you sit on your ass long enough, you will figure out the answers to everything. The problem then, is getting up!



Moms, repeat after me: you are normal. She continues, “You run around like a crazy lady all day doing everything, but then at the end of the day, you feel like you got nothing done? You’re normal.” Video

[Unedited] It gets scary when you send email containing a higher level of intellectualism and wind up sending to only a few addresses in your email Address Book out the hundreds that are in it!

[Internet Service Providers] Who has the best, cheapest wifi in the Keys? I don’t know if it matters, but I have an AT&T phone.

The great dance band Haywire plays Looe Key Tiki tonight 5/12/17 with their new singer Gerd! Saturday is Rugcutters that is reported to be another great band (from Miami I was told). Snowbirds are mostly gone and you can probably get a seat and have room to move on the dance floor. Come out and play!




[Defense] How to use Brazilian jujitsu against a bear.

Here’s an update on the Sombrero Key Light station last week from the NOAA/NWS/National Data Buoy Center.  This is the office up at Stennis Space Center in Mississippi that maintains and services the weather buoy and “Coastal-Marine Automated Network”, or C-MAN, stations worldwide.  I was told that a replacement station had been designed, and is ready to go, but that NOAA was awaiting for necessary permits from U.S. Coast Guard District 7 to move forward with installation.  The new station will be installed on the new navigational tower erected adjacent to Sombrero Key Lighthouse, since most of the reef lights have been deemed (by the Coast Guard) as unsafe to access.

Here is contact information for the appropriate NOAA program manager at the National Data Buoy Center.  He may have more information: Mr. Shannon McArthur. Email Phone 228-688-2830

We at the National Weather Service office in Key West look forward to the return of the Sombrero Key Light C-MAN station as the data generated are essential for a thorough marine weather diagnosis and associated short-term marine weather forecasts and warnings. Thank you for your patience and interest.  If I find out anything new, I will reach out to you via e-mail.  ~Chip

[Sewers] FKAA is reportedly panicking over excessive inflow in the Cudjoe Regional sewers during heavy rains. On Big Pine, they were caulking around the sewer cleanout plugs. On Summerland, they were cranking down the cap so tight that efforts to remove it can result in the whole cleanout riser rotating instead of just the cap. That is because the contractors were allowed to not follow the contract specification that requires solvent welded cleanout assemblies instead of just push-fit gasket fittings. FKAA also allowed use of one-way cleanout assembly tees instead of two-way. That saved the contractors over a million dollars and further screwed the homeowners. The County got no credit on the contract for the FKAA-approved change.
Porn star attacked by shark during a shoot Friday. A porn star got a little more than a love bite during a recent video shoot. Adult film star Molly Cavalli was the victim of a shark attack while shooting an advertisement for a sex cam site.  In the spot for CamSoda, the buoyant blond goes shark diving off the Florida Coast, where at least three lemon sharks and several other fish are swimming around the boat. Wearing a bright white thong-style one-piece bathing suit, snorkel and flippers, Cavalli is lowered into the water in a shark-proof cage. While treading water, the erotic performer attracts the interest of one of the sharks. It bites onto one of her feet, which was sticking out of the cage. The crew had to stop the shoot prematurely as she screamed in pain and was helped out of the water. The shark left a nasty gash in Cavalli’s left foot and CamSoda said on its YouTube page, the cam girl had to get 20 stitches but she is apparently in “good spirits.” Video
[“Self-driving cars”] Just like flying cars, it won’t work. People cannot handle it now. One crash into a school yard anywhere will end this innovation once and for all.
It’s great to be King because you never have to worry about priests, lawyers, or peasants. Let’s put all the world leaders and military rulers on an island and watch them try to survive. They wouldn’t last a week.
I hear Detroit is have a Mother Pucker Day on Sunday?[?]
I’m concerned for Catman’s safety and hope he stays alive a lot longer. I made a call to the police on his behalf. We should all go see his show and cheer him up. Something’s wrong.[?]
And marijuana is legal![?]
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