2017 May

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

[Not Dead] The owner of Underseas Dive Shop is very much alive and has done well with her cancer treatments.  The shop has closed because of unrelated business decisions by others due to her absence. I wish Mary Anne well for the many decades of service to the community and will miss her smiling face



[Deer Always Chewing] Do deer chew their cud like cows do? Do they even have cud? I’ve never seen a deer that wasn’t chewing.

[“Self-driving cars”] Just imagine how great they will be for the blind and other handicapped people. The trucking insurance companies are worried over the lost business they will experience. Don’t worry about the accidents that will happen while this technology is developing. It’s world changing and we’ll all benefit–except insurance companies who won’t. Municipalities will also suffer economic setbacks because there will no longer be income from speeding fines.



[Oil Drilling Off Florida] This is mind-boggling to me. This will have a tremendous impact to me. It would not only be negative from an environmental impact, but an economic one as well. ~George Neugent Monroe County mayor.

[Marathon Pervert] Michael Angelo Savinelli, 49, owner of The Hurricane bar and restaurant, was initially charged with six counts of second-degree felony of possession of child pornography. The State Attorney’s Office filed 70 new counts of the same charge. Second degree felonies are punishable by a maximum of 15 years in state prison, meaning Savinelli is facing what is essentially a maximum punishment of life sentence if he is convicted on all or many of the counts.



[New Book] Wearing Baseball Hats For Dummies.

Winn-Dixie‘s parent company Bi-Lo is shutting down a dozen South Carolina stores and laying off dozens of people at the stores that remain open. Now keep in mind that this is happening in upstate South Carolina and I have not heard of any other locations.
[Snake Hunter] Florida is paying $8.10 an hour to hunt invasive Burmese pythons in the Everglades. It’s estimated 90 percent of many native mammals have ended up in pythons’ stomachs.


Big Pine Key Road Prison shut its doors for good on April 14. I sure hope they gave their loyal cook, Betty Boop, another job along with the other employees. The Big Pine Key Road Prison had 25 staffers taking care of 54 inmates.

[Jesus Loves A Warm Environment] Have you noticed the similarities between religious fanatics and climate change/global warming activists? It’s disturbing. If you don’t believe in Jesus, you’re a denier and if you don’t believe climate change is man made, you’re also a denier. In either case, you must believe or you will bring wrath and destruction upon the world, yourself included.

Now both groups know for sure they’re absolutely right and can’t imagine why you don’t see the obvious also.  But, in both cases, there really is no absolute proof. They could both be right or they could both be wrong.  What’s disturbing is the extreme enthusiasm, almost psychotic behavior, with which they preach their views. To the fanatics I say, get a hobby, something relaxing – seriously.  You need to chill because you’re both annoying as hell.


[Recipe] Doc Fords Rum Bar & Grille in Fort Myers Beach. Restaurant recipe for Yucatan Shrimp. Shrimp soaks in buttery Sambal sauce. Recreating a restaurant dish is something many people would like to do, but it can be tricky. Link

Tear down all Confederate war memorials. They tried to destroy the United States and keep slaves, why memorialize them? By the Rebel’s logic, we should memorialize all the fine German folks who gave us WW11
[Oil Drilling Off Florida] President Donald Trump’s executive order last week that could expand oil drilling into sensitive environmental areas is causing deep concern in the Florida Keys and South Florida. Sen. Bill Nelson, D-Fla., sent a letter on Monday to the heads of departments of interior and commerce opposing the executive order. In the letter, Nelson goes into detail about possible negative environmental and economic impacts to the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary. ~By Timothy O’Hara Key West Citizen


[Diving Truck] An Orlando woman drove a truck into the water at the boat ramp at the end of Blimp Road on Wednesday night stayed inside overnight, because she doesn’t know how to swim and was fearful of snakes and sharks. The water there was only about three or four feet deep. Adam Linhardt’s Citizen article didn’t say if she was a blonde or not.

[“Harley riders don’t like the sounds of nature”] I agree with this completely. Cars go down US1 with 400 HP engines and are whisper quiet. The “look at me” boys

have around 75 HP on their bikes, but are loud as hell because of exhaust modifications. If I were to run my 3 1/2 HP lawnmower without a muffler everyone in the neighborhood would call the cops. Even the president of Harley Davidson tells owners not to modify the pipes because the public is getting angry about the noise. But most riders don’t care if they think it gets them laid.

Florida Keys Mosquito Control District has received $145,000 from the state to battle mosquitoes that carry tropical diseases like Zika.

Oh, good lord, you’ve pissed off Arnold again. Video
[Bow Riding illegal For A Reason] Joshua Vansant of Key West, was reportedly riding on the bow of the 27-foot catamaran when it hit some choppy waves, causing Vansant to fall overboard. Vansant fell head first into the water and was struck by propellers, which cut both his legs.

[“Glowing grunts”] Not to worry. You are most likely safe from radioactivity.  The glowing fish in the garbage is caused by bio-luminescent bacteria blooming on the rapidly decaying carcasses.

[Owl tangled in fish line] Hard to believe that the owl stayed so calm during the entire ordeal. He was obviously very wise. Video
[Keys Millions Of Years Old] I now live upstate in Central FL and in the phosphate miners up here routinely dig up prehistoric Megladon teeth (100 million year old mega sharks supposedly 100’ long) teeth way bigger than a man’s hand. 70’ above sea level up here versus 2 ft’ above sea level on BPK, pretty much attests to the rumor that the Keys (and all of FL) were big time underwater a long time ago.

Hope all CT readers have a pleasant day.

I am a great believer in Luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.  ~Thomas Jefferson
[Mold] I spread a bunch of mulch near the house recently and mold spores rose like smoky clouds when it was disturbed. During a home mold assessment, samples from within the house are compared to the count outside the house. No matter how bad it may be inside, if the outside is worse, the house passes. Now you may know more than you should.


Cindy from the Flea Market donated this monkey to the Coconut Telegraph defense fund to give to Judith Haney who is suing Deer Ed. A solar cell powers a magnet that causes the little feller to swing.

Duncan Auto Sales is now Keys Motors, a luxury brand dealer with nine other showrooms. Warren Zinn, his son Larry and their business partner, Erik Day, bought the former Duncan Auto Sales and have ambitious plans to renovate and/or replace the aging building.


The only time I don’t eat healthy is when there is unhealthy food available for me to eat.

La La Land — Fools Who Dream. Video
[Diver Deaths] A 52-year-old Lawrenceville, Georgia, man died Monday morning while diving the Spiegel Grove wreck. And on the anniversary of the Spiegel Grove, the seventh diver dies there.

To get the Sombrero Light  repaired, email or call the Sanctuary Advisory Council Members. George Neugent is on the council. He is here on Big Pine at 25 Ships Way and his phone number 305-872-1678. Here are the Sanctuary Advisory Council email addresses and phone numbers. Link

[Government] I just saw a picture of the people working on the new healthcare plan. They were all rich, old, white, men who have the best insurance known to man–and it’s even free for them. What kind of fairness and can the average person expect with white, old men making health decisions for woman , minorities and the helpless? Do you think they are thinking of the little guy? What about woman’s issues?


[Chastity Belt] I got thinking how overripe it must have gotten inside those medieval chastity belts during the long Christian Crusades to go kill Muslim heretics (while raping and pillaging of course). It would take a courageous knight indeed to unlock it and dive in. That may be the origin of that old saying “Once a king always a king, but once a knight is enough!”

[Just Say No?] Amid the opioid epidemic, White House may cut drug control office budget. Budget cuts are apparently being eyed for Office of National Drug Control Policy. Video
My Aunt lived in the Keys for a while. She bought a watercolor of the Big Pine Inn by Marie Fisher. I have enjoyed the painting for a number of years but I am downsizing and need to get rid of a few things and was wondering if anyone would be interested in purchasing the painting. I tried to upload the picture but it said it was too large. Thank you.
[Macron Becomes France’s Youngest President] Monday, France dodged a bullet. The same one America ran towards.


If the bicycle brigade gets their way, will Key West citizens have to ditch their cars and ride bikes and will those bikes have seats or just the seat posts as with most politico projects?

With all the fund raisers going on, why don’t those doing the collecting just give a month’s salary instead of bothering others to give?
How OCD was the creator of Pringles?[?]

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.  She said, “I want something to from zero to 160 in seconds.”  I bought her a bathroom scale.  That’s when the fight started.

[Sewers] Back in 2008 or whenever the Gov. proclaimed that all properties in the Keys shall be connected to a Public Sewer System or whatever. How many properties are we talking about here? Well, from the Office of the Tax Appraisers Office I was provided with the following–51,307 Residential Units and 17,472 Businesses with physical addresses. From the Office of the Tax Collector, there were 53,001 Trim Notices sent out last November.
> Now in the Counties plan for The Lower Keys, the CRWS, the “Master Plan” Chapter 20, Sewers , contain verbiage detailing who SHALL do what, where, when, and how. The WHO is all inclusive. Now, in the CRWS approximately 1600 Residences were chosen to participate in what The Florida DEP described as an Experimental system, a Low Pressure grinder pump system using the E-1 grinder pump. No problem Until the County Commissioners Decided that certain Portions of the Master Plan would NOT apply to those approximately 1600 residents and taxpayers. Those certain portions state in black and white, on Print -Art. III. sec. 20-50 and Art. V. Sec. 20-10 (e),(1)–“The UTILITY shall…”. So the County and our Elected officials are saying-as those portions of Our Rules Don’t apply to you, you Must give up a minimum of 100 square feet of Your Property and you Must supply electric to run Our infrastructure on your property. As one of our Elected Commissioner so eloquently put it when queried about the properties assigned grinder pumps- they’re losers. In labeling thusly, the county commission is acknowledging the creation of a sub-class of citizens, residents, and taxpayers who are being financially discriminated. now, fellow taxpayers, be prepared for a possible increase in property taxes as the bill for defending the actions of our elected commissioner. remember when the electorate mandated all infrastructure sales tax be first spent on a complete and fully funded sewer system
Nothing is more important than ejaculation, fornication, defecation, deification, politicization and reading email, but not necessarily in that order!
We were at a Mexican party last week and they had lots of dogs there. I tried to feed a few scoops[?] to them but not one dog would eat them, they just spit them out and gave me a dirty look! Tells you something, huh?
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