Friday, May 28, 2021

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.
The Un-social Media with 60,000 Followers



Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!



Me waiting on my wife, who said she’d “only be a minute.”

[Quarantine] Every place we go is packed. Business is booming and we seem to be the only ones wearing masks. I don’t think anybody told them that there is a plague in the Keys.
[Lawyer Review] I saw an ad in the Barometer for a lawyer, Maylene Abad. I needed a lawyer and she is nearby in W/D Plaza so I called. The secretary said the MS Abad would call back. She didn’t. So later that same day I called a second time in case the numbers were messed up. I again spoke to the secretary who told me the lawyer would call me back. It’s now three days later and Ms Abad has totally ignored me (Instead of her I hired a lawyer in Marathon for $1400). If you advertise for business answer the f**king phone! Don’t show your arrogance to clients. You’re not that important.
[Movies] “Flight” Denzel’s plane’s elevators were stuck in the “down” position so instead of diving to the earth he inverted the airliner and it flew up. He then turned it over again just before landing in a field. Is that really possible? The plane had wing tips that turned upwards. I don’t know what kind.
[Five Florida Panthers] Photographer was ‘shaking from excitement’ after spotting 5 elusive Florida panthers in a day. He was in the Everglades’ Fakahatchee Strand State Preserve Park.    The Florida panther, protected by the Endangered Species Act of 1973, is one of the most endangered mammals on the planet. Link
[Moving Sale-Round II] Everything must go. 29135 Camellia Lane, Big Pine Key. Saturday May 29 from 9 to 3. No early or late birds. Everything must go!
[Friday Joke] My wife asked me what part of a woman’s anatomy is not important?  He answered, “The vocal cords”. It was all downhill from there.
[Irony] The swimming hole on Big Pine near the bridge is going to be opened this year. It was closed because 15 years ago some whales pooped in it. At least that’s the story they’re telling us. So now they are going to open it to the public –without bathrooms – so people will be pooping in it until the bathrooms are built.
Wake up America, this plague is far from over.  Forget the tourist money. Melbourne lockdown – Bing
[Rare Florida Panthers] Five elusive Florida panthers photographed in Everglades on January 13.  He was in the Everglades’ Fakahatchee Strand State Preserve Park.   The Florida panther, protected by the Endangered Species Act of 1973, is one of the most endangered mammals on the planet!
[Key West Citizen Editorial] Facebook and Google publish our articles, sell ads off them and pocket the vast majority of the profit. They give us little in return. Because of this, as newspaper readers turn to the web for news and our ability to sell newspaper ads erodes, we depend more heavily on selling digital ads but find ourselves squeezed. With one hand the two corporate giants help us by distributing our news. With the other they siphon so much of the ad revenue we generate that we can barely survive.
It’s killing us. Nationwide in the last two years, 300 publications closed, with more than 6,000 journalists axed. Link

[Inflation] Wednesday I paid $13.72 for 6 apples. They weren’t even the expensive ones.

[Rome Was Cheaper] At $1400 per night, Key West has the most expensive hotel rooms in the country for this holiday weekend. Why? Because the merchants of greed want to catch up on the massive profit they lost due to the plague and lack of tourism. The tourist trades are the least important function next to acting, travel, gambling and all the useless junk businesses that the easy riders do to make their ill-gotten fortunes. And you wonder why America is failing when a farmer or trucker can’t make ends meet. Sounds like old Rome, eh? Where are the gladiators?


[Brilliant Invention] How to keep all the cookies to yourself.

[Wanted] I’m looking for a good, used kayak. The 2020 king tide took mine last October from our seawall. Please email or call 513-307-2538. Thank You, Gary
[Dead Boaters] 8 rescued, 2 dead, 10 missing as boat capsizes 16 miles south of Key West. The survivors reported they left Puerto de Mariel, Cuba on Sunday and capsized sometime Wednesday evening. The survivors remain aboard a Coast Guard cutter where they will receive food, water and basic medical attention. Link
[“Tuesday’s BBQ rib photo explained”] I’m particularly proud of that slab of pork. Dredged in ACV[?] quickly, then rubbed with salt, pepper, garlic, ancho chili pepper, cayenne, and chipotle, and garlic. I let them rest, then put them in a Ziplock bag with some XX Mexican beer overnight. Then in the morning I put them in my smoker and cold smoked them for 4 hours with hickory. Then I took them up to the Webber Q grill to finish them off. I used Sweet Baby Rays’ Sweet and Spicy bbq sauce. They were out of this world. ~Proudly submitted by master BBQer Dr. Geno
[Handouts] PPP money would be better spent if we were made to perform a service or job to get it. That’s what they did in the 1930s with the Civilian Conservation Corps. The CCC improved just about everything all over the country. People have PPP money and many won’t go back to work because of the handout. Money for nothing is wrong.


[When Is A Holiday] It turns out that every day there are from 2 to 10 different holidays that surround us and make our lives happier. Here is one of the holidays that will be today Link

[Friday Joke] After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?” To which he responded: “I found the remote.”


[Japanese Researchers Did Deepest Hole In History] This is a headline you’d spot in the background during the first ten minutes of a Godzilla movie. Link

I disabled spell check on my cellphone and my life is so much better. No more screwy messages when spellcheck misinterpreted my intent and sent gibberish to the textee.