Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.
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|[CO² Emissions] Okay, here’s the bombshell. The volcanic eruption in Iceland. Since its first spewing of volcanic ash, it has, in just four days, negated every single effort you have made in the past five years to control CO² emissions on our planet – all of you!|
|I wish climate change deniers could see my property now as compared to thirty years ago. Today my yard is under water in the back. That never used to happen, I don’t care how full the Moon is. I have new, permanent ponds here and there. They appeared just a couple of years ago. It’s easier to bury your head in the sand than to do something about all that sand, isn’t it?|
|[Lawyer Experience] It’s that time again to cull all the lawyers.|
|[Guardrails] Is anyone able to explain what the hell those very expensive, aluminum top rails sitting about 9” above the concrete barriers by the edge of the pavement on all the bridges in the Lower Keys are for. I hate to think that they are supposed to keep vehicles or pedestrians from falling over the side. I shudder to imagine that they have a legitimate function. Just a classic example of Government pork. So who getting the ‘mordita’? Follow the money.|
|[Your Data] How to download your data from Twitter and other sites. Haven’t you always wanted a record of everything you’ve done online? Link|
|[Surviving WW3] I was on a very high-end cruise once and sat at the bar talking to some old guy about the world’s problems. One thing he told me was that the smart rich people do not worry about surviving if WW3 or a world disaster decimated the planet. They all have their nice little hide-away ready and stocked with everything they would need to live. Then he said, that was only the smart, extremely rich, the rest are too greedy and dumb to get the idea.|
|[“Kayak tour volunteers”] One more guide training class for the Full Moon Kayak tours benefitting the Florida Keys Wildlife Society. It will be this Saturday the 12th at 2 p.m. at the Old Wooden Bridge Marina on Bogie Drive, Big Pine Key. If you’d like to become a volunteer, please arrive at 2 or a few minutes before. Sorry about having to cancel the November Full Moon Kayak tour but we’re going to have a sunset tour Monday the 14th from 4-6. To reserve your spot on the tour, visit floridakeyswildlifesociety.org or call Bill Keogh of Big Pine Kayaking Adventures at 305-872-7474|
|[Fire and Smoke] The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service plans to conduct prescribed burns on Little Pine Key within the National Key Deer Refuge between November 12-18 as conditions allow. When correct weather conditions permit, a highly qualified staff of interagency professional fire specialists will implement prescribed burns in the Florida Keys Refuges. The primary reasons for conducting prescribed burns are to remove the over accumulation of vegetation acting as fire fuel along our wildland-urban interface to protect our community private property and residents, and for ecological purposes aimed at mimicking a natural fire in the pine rockland habitat. Ecological restoration is our focus on Little Pine Key; restoration and maintenance of the fire-dependent pine rockland habitat is essential for a healthy ecosystem. Prescribed burns are important for the continued survival of local species such as the federally endangered Key deer, the Bartram’s hairstreak butterfly and the butterfly’s host plant, pineland croton, which has evolved to be dependent upon fire. Info at Brian Pippin at 931-260-3350 or email@example.com|
|[Mosquitoes Like Certain Smells] Some people really are “mosquito magnets,” and it’s likely because of the way they smell. Researchers found that the people most attractive to the irksome bloodsuckers produce large amounts of certain skin acids tied to smell. If you have high levels of this stuff on your skin, you’re going to be the one at the picnic getting all the bites. Scientists had 64 volunteers wear nylon stockings around their forearms long enough for the clothing to pick up their scent. They then placed the stockings in separate traps and released dozens of mosquitoes. The insects swarmed to certain stockings while largely ignoring others, and the most popular stocking was an astonishing 100 times more attractive than the last-place finisher. The unfortunate favorites all had higher levels of certain chemicals that are part of the skin’s moisturizing layer, and those chemicals can’t just be wiped away. But researchers hope their findings could point to ways to develop new mosquito repellents|
|This election just rearranged the deck chairs as the climate ship is going down.|
Another thing I can’t do. I don’t have two chairs like those. How does she get down?
|[Elon Musk Twitter Parody] H3H3’s Ethan Klein’s account with 2.3 million followers was banned for impersonating Musk even though its bio and header image clearly stated it was a parody. Link|
|[Inner Peace] If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then you are probably the family dog!
[Lots of People] World Population Clock: 7.98 Billion People. Don’t fret, in a hundred years all those people will be dead. Link
|Powerball jackpot rises to $2.04 billion. Link|
[The Stay Away Jim Cantore Prayer Candle] The latest in hurricane protection.
|[Marriage] What’s the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man arguing with his wife? The man buying a lottery ticket actually has a chance to win!|
|[The Mighty TikTok] Its dominance is hard to overstate. TikTok’s website was visited last year more often than Google. No app has grown faster past a billion users, and more than 100 million of them are in the United States, roughly a third of the country. The average American viewer watches TikTok for 80 minutes a day–more than the time spent on Facebook and Instagram – combined! Two-thirds of American teens use the app, and 1 in 6 say they watch it almost constantly. Link|
|[Skippy 3:28] Democrats giveth and Republicans taketh away.|
|How come election deniers do not protest when they get elected? Am I missing something?|
[Free Piano] Would you like to have a beautiful piano or refer to someone who loves to play? I am moving into a smaller apartment and won’t have a need for it, so I am giving it away. firstname.lastname@example.org
|[Friday Joke] The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time: weightlifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody could do it. One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a small voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, “OK”; grabbed the lemon; and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow. The crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man: “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?” The little fellow quietly replied, “I work for the IRS.”
|The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 11/11/22 at 9:33 am
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