Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.
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John Viele, a long-time resident of Cudjoe Key and local author passed away peacefully at age 99 on Friday, Sept. 2, 2022, in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Check out one of his books about the history of the Keys from the Big Pine library: The Florida Keys: A History of the Pioneers; The Wreckers: The Florida Keys; Tales of Yesterday’s Florida Keys |
| [Friday Joke] Two nuns were shopping at a convenience store. As they passed the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “Wouldn’t a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?” The second nun answered, “Indeed it would, Sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout.” “I can handle that without a problem”, the first nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the checkout. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns presented the six-pack of beer for checkout. “We use beer for washing our hair,” the nun said,” back at our convent we call it ‘Catholic Shampoo’.” Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, “The curlers are on the house.” |
[Africa] Some people don’t realize how big Africa is, so I added a banana for reference. |
| EVs are a huge problem after Hurricane Ian left them without electricity. Link |
   United Way of Collier and the Keys announces that they have distributed a total of $54,542 to help Monroe County students this school year. $34,257 of the total amount came from donations made at Publix through Tools for Back to School, and generous donors throughout the Florida Keys contributed $20,196 to United Way’s Stuff the Bus campaign. United Way of Collier and the Keys’ annual Stuff the Bus program is the largest back to school campaign in Monroe County. This year, the funds raised by UWCK and Publix were combined into a new “Equity Fund” established at each of our 16 local schools. 100% of the funds were passed directly to the schools so that they may provide the supplies, materials, necessities and expenses needed at any given moment by individual students. The new Equity Fund gives each school maximum flexibility in meeting their students’ needs, at their discretion, throughout the school year. |
And this is why space aliens never stop here. |
| What is a channel 7 “weather it”? (Editor: That is what happens when the editor doesn’t read a post.) |
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| I figured it out. If all the BS and Pity Me posts were cut from this blog, the only things left to read would be jokes and the weather. |
| [Friday Joke] The Vicar of Dibley. Video |
 [Sick Society] Commercials drive me nuts because there are so many of them. We are inundated. Yesterday I used a to see about that. CNN had 4 ½ minutes of news and 4 ½ minutes of commercials. Yes, the commercials and news were the same 4 ½ minutes |
| [“Who owns the Old 7 Mile Bridge”] I own it. Why? are interested in buying it? I’ll give you a great deal. I just had it painted. |
It’s a miracle! Her wish just came true. |
| [Friday Joke]. Dead Penguins very interesting facts. I never knew this. Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: “Freeze a jolly good fellow.” “Freeze a jolly good fellow.” You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you? It’s so easy to fool old people. I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it. Oh, quit whining, I fell for it too. |
[Killer] There is a merciless, unrelenting killer, completely devoid of empathy for his victims, in This Very picture. He will literally try to maim and kill anything that falls into his territory or for that matter in is line of view. And it’s not the blue nose pitbull. |
| [More Plastic] Ok, it was bad enough manufacturers going from glass liquor bottles to plastic, but now plastic jelly containers? |
 The male deer are tearing up my yard. Those horney bastards are wreaking havoc on my garden. I have wire fences around the pest plants, but the bucks just wreck them too. |
| [Wife Finding Tip] Whenever I get separated from my Wife in a store, I find a young lady, introduce myself and start a conversation. My Wife will find me in 30 seconds or less. |
Betty White at home in 1952. The nineteen-fifties had the worst art, hairstyles, and home décor. Tacky is a good description. Great cars, though! |
| [Friday Joke] I just spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. I had the Vet come and take a look at him. He said, the bull was very healthy, but just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days–all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor’s cows. He’s like a machine. I don’t know what was in the pills the Vet gave him but they kind of taste like peppermint. |
 Cave divers surface secrets of the past below Madagascar. Link |
| [Friday Joke] Four men go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will have the interior of the house completely painted by next weekend.” Second Guy: “That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would get a contractor to build a new deck for the pool next week.” Third Guy: “Man, you both got off cheap! I had to promise my wife that I would have the kitchen remodeled for her.” They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him: “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?” Fourth Guy: “I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a nudge and say, ‘Golf Course or sex? and she says, “You should wear your sweater”. |
Please leave the weather girl on Channel 7 alone. It’s the only thing worth watching on tv anymore. |
| The best time to save a democracy, is before it’s lost. ~Ken Burns |
Biden’s trying to legalizing marijuana and remove the draconian laws that have ruined so many people’s lives. You never hear anyone talking about criminalizing liquor which is a deadly drug, but they have pot classified the same a heroine. |
| Any time I catch the weather or news on a Miami channel, I turn off the volume and just watch the “hot” weather forecaster |
[“Fashion police”] What happened? did you ask her out and she started laughing? |
| [Friday Joke] An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls and asks Satan, “So, how’s it going down there?” Satan says, “Hey things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God is horrified. “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake – he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here.“ Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” “Yeah, right,” Satan laughs, “and where are you going to get a lawyer? |
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