2023 January

Tuesday, January 17, 2023

The un-social media since 2002 with 60,000 followers.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
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[Keys Historian Jerry Wilkinson] The editor of The Coconut Telegraph sometimes alters my posts for reasons unknown to me. For example, I never posted that Keys historian was dead, let alone “is still dead.” I simply said that Keys Historian Jerry Wilkinson’s web site is back up and running again and that it should be maintained in perpetuity because of its immense value to Monroe County. (Editor: I apologize to you and Jerry Wilkinson, who is not dead. I mixed up Jerry Wilkinson with Keys historian John Viele, who is dead.) Link


[Glass] Do you recognize this signature? I thought it might be from James Pettit. Any help would be appreciated.

[Adobe Sucks] Since 2012 Adobe has made my full paid version of Photoshop inoperable.
~Photoshop Essentials (I forget what year) inoperable. I had to buy a new version.
~Photoshop Essentials 2019 inoperable in 2022. It took a day to get it back from Adobe.
~Photoshop Essentials 2019 inoperable in 2023. I quit.
No where did Adobe warn me or say the apps were only good for a limited time. They just stopped working. They say they are no longer supported, but if I jump through their innumerable hoops, I can get it back and it’s magically supported.I’ve lost too much work due to Adobe’s sneaky practice of trying to get me to buy the latest. I am done with Adobe.


[Burrrrrr] 52°on Big Pine Key Sunday morning. That’s unheard of! One of my ears fell off.

(Editor: I posted the wrong hyperlink to the National Politics page and have since corrected it. So solly.)

[Smoking pot on the Job]  “You had one job to do!”

Paul’s Appliance has been closed for many years now. Paul and Donna have moved up state.

[Cats] Why does my cat purr and the next moment bite me? That’s a dumb question I know. A better question would be if they even have a brain? Did you ever try to train a cat?

[COVID Mandate For Troops] The Pentagon has formally rescinded its COVID-19 mandate for troops, per a memo from Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin. This means that troops who fail to get the shot will not be discharged, consequently boosting enrollment numbers at the Defense Department. Link
[Banning Gas Stoves] Despite fiery debate, Biden isn’t banning gas stoves in the US. You can keep cooking with gas, for now. Cooks who swear by gas cooking have never cooked on a modern electric induction range. My electric stove made a believer out of me. Link
[Medicine Cost Is Sky High] I got one prescription that says, “Take one capsule as often as you can afford it.”

[Stuff] When your girlfriend is moving in with you and she arrives with her stuff.

[Miss Marple Explains] This fellow in Idaho accused of killing the students. Let him have his time explaining.
I believe he had an on/off relationship with one of the girls. They thought he was a freak and he was gonna get back at her, but anger got the best of him, and instead of just killing her, he’s kill the whole crew that was mean to him.
How in God’s name would he know the house floor plan?

[Selfie] During the Renaissance, drunk-texting a nude selfie was a popular pastime. I found this on the internet, so it must be true.

[Three Ton Killer Whale] How rare was the orca stranding on a Florida beach? It’s the first on record. Link

[Pee Scanner] The U-Scan is a body surveillance device that indefinitely stores your private health data, including information about pregnancy and fertility,” writes Caitlin Seeley George, campaign director for the digital privacy rights advocacy group, Fight for the Future. Video

[This Must Be True] I haven’t slept a wink since learning that 87,000 IRS agents dressed in drag and high on rainbow fentanyl plan to replace our gas stoves with electric ranges smuggled into the country by Mexican cartels.

[Proof That Cats Are Liquids] According to Wikipedia, “liquid takes the shape of a container” and maintains “almost-fixed volume.” So there you have it. Cats are liquids! Proof

[Torn Jeans Are Pretentious] The rich trying to look poor is simply stupid. If the jeans are actually old and torn and are actually yours, not some garment you paid two hundred dollars for, then that’s cool. The same goes for rich people not washing their jeans in order to look poor.

[Tattoo Parents] I’m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank.

[Teenagers are God’s Revenge] Comedian Jeff Allen explains why teenagers are God’s Revenge in this funny video. If you have ever had a teenager living in your home then you know how accurate Jeff is with his assessment. Video
[Egg Shortage and High Price] More than 47 million birds have died due to infections and cullings. This has spurred export bans, lowered egg and turkey production, and contributed to record prices of the staples. A near-record number of U.S. chickens and turkeys have died in this year’s outbreak of avian flu, as a different form of the virus than farmers battled before has infected more wild birds that then transmit the disease. Link
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 1/17/23 at 9:23 am.