2017 March

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

Buck Tooth Rooster will be open everyday 7 days a week–NO CLOSING! We were finally able to put together a wonderful and highly trained staff both front of the house and back of the house that could handle our large menu.
Bucktooth Rooster opens with breakfast 6:15 am-10:30 am. Brunch (breakfast and lunch items) served 10:30 am -12:00 pm. Then the whole lunch and dinner menu is available 11:00 am till 10:00 pm. Thank you to all the locals for your help with constructive thoughts and recommendations. We are here for you! ~Thanks, Rob Degennaro.P.S. Pickup your locals discount cards (The Chicken Scratch Card). We have another batch being printed.
[The Peepee Theory] To tell if you are hydrated enough look at your pee. If it’s dark you’re dehydrated and need water. Clear means you don’t need any more water.
[The False Profit] It certainly is a curious exemplification of how very lightly religions sit on men, and to note the fearful apostasy of both Muslims and Christians, when their lives or property are menaced.

There is scarcely one great family of the Soudan, families who can trace their pedigree for five hundred years, who have not accepted Mahomet Achmet as Mahdi, to save their property, though they laugh at the idea afterwards. I am using this argument with them, in saying, you ask me to become a Muslim to save my life, and you yourself acknowledge Mahomet Achmet as the Mahdi, to save your lives. If we go on this principle, we will be adopting every religion whose adherents threaten our existence. You know and admit, when you are safe, that Mahomet Achmet is not the true Mahdi.

I saw the Ulemas today, and lamented to them the degeneracy of the Faith, when Christians become Muslims to save their lives, and Muslims become the followers of the False Prophet, to save their property. I fear much that when it is a question between Allah and their goats, they will be inclined to look after their goats. I am afraid we are much the same, and would prefer 50,000 men at our backs, than any Scripture promise. It is only when we are pushed into a corner, and cannot get the 50,000 men, that we turn to the promise.

~The doomed General Gordon under siege at Khartoum 1887

Whenever I hear someone talk about hurricane evacuation I assume that they are newcomers to the Keys. Us old-timers have been through so many that we know the flooding is the only thing to worry about so why leave home if you have an elevated house.
[Email Privacy] Gmail is the only one of the big four free email providers that does not include your IP address in the header of the message. An IP address is the first thing a bad guy needs to bypass your password. The IP address is the first step to hacking.
A drunken tourist who stole a forklift from a Marathon marina because he couldn’t find the keys to his car was arrested Thursday night. The Sheriff’s Office received a call at 9 p.m. that someone was breaking down the fence with a forklift at Marina Junction. When Deputy George Zakariadze arrived on the scene, he saw the entrance gates to the marina broken. The reporting person was there and said he saw a white male with blue shorts, a tank top and flip-flops breaking out of the marina property on a forklift. The drunk said he lost the keys to his car and needed something to drive.
[“Avoiding taxes”] In last Friday’s edition someone stated, “what someone else makes and pays in taxes has no effect on me.” He needs to wake up, It sure does. Politicians constantly say we don’t have enough money for Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. This is a very direct result of the rich and special interests not paying their fair share. Our Democracy can only sustain itself financially using a progressive tax rate like it did for 200 years and that hasn’t happened since 1986, when the President slashed the tax rate for the rich. Plus, many corporations no longer pay their share either. If you think they pay 35%, you are watching the wrong news channel.



[For Sale] Stroke sander. Original price $4,500. Works great. $350.00 Sand doors, wide boards, and panels with ease. This large capacity stroke sander can handle heavy stock removal, yet still excel at fine finishing. The manually operated platen slides on ball-bearing rollers to make it simple for you to apply just the right amount of pressure at just the right spot. Also free with purchase 12 inch Jointer/Planer (needs motor).  Questions call Phil 281-804-5859

[Writer’s Group] Hello, writers! We’ll meet at the Big Pine Key library from 1-3 pm. Optional meet and greet for lunch at Bistro 31 at noon (arrive no later than 11:45 am if you want to order breakfast, 11:30 am even better). See you there! Full Menu > Ongoing Events
[Plastic Water] Microplastics entering the food chain. Scientists are becoming increasingly worried about the impact of microplastics in the water as they uncover how they’re entering the food chain. Video
[Indian Earrings] The earrings of an Indian often indicated his tribal stock. A Cheyenne ear had but one piercing, only one ring, and this ring was looped directly through or close-up to the ear.

The Crow likewise had but one piercing and only one ring or shell disc, but this was suspended below the ear by an intervening strand.

The one piercing of the Sioux ear had a long loop directly through it, and from the bottom of this long loop dangled another loop of the same kind.

The Pawnees, Kiowa and Apaches had various piercings around the edge of he ear lobe, each piercing having in it a small ring.

The Arapahoes and the Utes had ear decorations resembling the Cheyenne.

The phrase “you two deserve each other” sounds like a compliment, but never is.


If you live in Marathon and you did not see the Red Elvis’s show on Monday, you missed out. What a fun bunch of people to party with. The drum solo alone is worth the price of admission! Schedule: Link

[Septic Tank] When you make a sewer connection, part of the deal is that you have to abandon the septic tank or other on-site system.
Most of the local septage haulers charge $450 for the pump out, up to 1,000 gallons.
If they unload at the Cudjoe transfer station, they pay 22 cents per gallon disposal fee, and it gets trucked from there to Miami in a larger tanker. So that County transfer to Miami may take $220 of your $450 pump out fee.
The septage hauler can elect to drive his load of s**t to Miami himself. With a 4,000 gallon truck, he can haul 5 small 750 gallon septic pump outs; with a 4,500 gallon truck, he can maybe squeeze 6. With 1,050 gallon septic tanks, he is lucky to carry 4. While a 4,000 gallon truck load would pay $880 to the Cudjoe transfer station, the dump charge at the Blackpoint wastewater facility in Miami is only about $65 says Tyrone who oversees up there.
Some septage haulers reportedly save the cost of hauling to Miami or dumping at the Monroe transfer stations by illegally dumping into a manhole somewhere, or just off the side of the road. Big Coppitt’s plant had upsets of the biology from unexpected concentrated influent that was suspected to be septage. A Big Coppitt resident reported an illegal septage dump into a manhole on his street to the FKAA night call line at about 2AM while it was happening, but FKAA sent no on-call guy or the Sheriff Dept. to the site. The resident had the company name off the truck, too. Nothing happened. A Ramrod resident friend smelled and saw evidence of a recent septage dump in an isolated wetland there. Another friend of mine used to sit outside and smoke at night, and he watched one sewer connection company’s pump out truck leave the driver’s residence location almost every night, returning about an hour and a half later. He did not make it to Miami and back in that time frame. Now you may understand how one company can pump and haul sludge for Marathon for 12 cents per gallon. That would be like getting your small septic pumped out for $90. That company charged a neighbor $300 for his pump out, or 2/3 the typical. “Crime pays in Monroe County!” So does sewage in general.


Take a Walk on the Wild Side at the 5th Annual Southernmost Fashion show to benefit The Sister Season Fund on Sunday, March 19th at the Southernmost House, 1400 Duval St. Doors open at 5:30 pm and the show starts at 6:30 pm. Admission is $30 and includes poolside entertainment, hors d’oeuvres, door prizes and a cash bar. See the latest fashions from 10 local shops, with 20 beautiful models. Tickets available at Link

[Stock Market Crash of 1929] Malcolm Meacham, 45, financier and developer who owned the eastern end of Key West, jumped to his death from a New York hotel.
Don’t coddle dumb people. We live in an age where knowledge is widely available for next to nothing. Ignorance is self-imposed.
[How to Social Engineer Your Local Bank] “Warning: Do not try this unless you work for a financial institution and are conducting a penetration test. Banks come in all shapes and sizes, however we will be focusing on medium sized 50+ branches and up. In any business with 50 locations, there is no way for everyone to know each other. So if my customer comes to your location and you have a question…”

This primer went on to detail how to talk to the person at the bank and change someone else’s password to yours. He tells how to select the bank, etc. All it takes is intelligence, balls, and larceny in the heart. I wont pass the details on.



[Crowded Crowd] A wave pool in China during a heatwave. I think I’d rather have heat stoke. Video

[Roadwork] Is there any limit to the stupid projects the FDOT wastes money on? How long before it will be simpler to just tell us where there will not be construction or delays? I wonder what Paulette Summers (FDOT’s mouthpiece) does when she is not spouting off on the radio Monday mornings about roadwork that is obvious to anyone who drives past it.
[“Excessive lights”] Howie’s house can be seen by the space station!


[Church Lane] Why the hell can’t the County repave Church Lane behind Winn Dixie? Since they f**ked-up the traffic light it’s better to see whether you can get in the left lane for a turn, or make a right then a U turn. We don’t want to keep driving through the bank. Get a grip, Moron County!

[Guardrail Conspiracy] Good thing we are getting more bike railings put on the bridges. So many people are hitting the concrete walls and falling to their deaths. How in the hell have bike riders survived this long without them? Seriously, dose anyone apart from the railing manufacturer truly believe these eyesores are necessary? All they really accomplish is to further obstruct the beautiful view.
[“Many snowbird terrified of the dark”] This is so true, but unfortunately it’s not just the Jersey girls. Many locals pull the same stunt. I don’t know if it is a hobby or a phobia. Probably a little of both. These may be the same people with barking dogs or the one’s that want their dog sitting with them in the restaurant. It’s all about them. Or it could be more of an innocent old people’s disease along with having 14 flashlights and still paying credit cards through the mail.



Here is your country. Cherish these natural wonders, cherish the natural resources, cherish the history and romance as a sacred heritage, for your children and your children’s children. Do not let selfish men or greedy interests skin your country of its beauty, its riches or its romance. ~Theodore Roosevelt

[Restaurant Review] Looe Key Tiki was still selling Funky Buddha Hop Gun IPA bottles for $2 each including tax this past weekend, so I could comfortably order their $20 Prime Rib special on Friday and still have some cash for Saturday night. I was not expecting much, but was very pleasantly surprised at the high quality, precisely cooked, good sized hunk of very tender beef, with an excellent vegetable medley, mashed potatoes, and dipping bowl of juice on the side! Friends that got there before me were well pleased with the half-priced seafood bar peel and eat shrimp and the usual superb tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwich during happy hours. I may have to quit bad-mouthing their food. Staff said to look for lower prices coming very soon. They may actually get the crowds back, and hold them longer. Coming out of season, increased popularity may not be so obvious.
On Saturday, the Category 4 band (back from the name Raisin Cane) played excellent sets of foot-moving music, but their disco lights were out of character & annoying, and the smoke machine was a real big mistake, with plenty of people bitching about it. The asthmatics and COPDs have enough trouble breathing, and the taste of sulfur is not what you want after dinner and drinks.
It did not take long for the harsh new rope lights on the north side of the bar to discourage seating there and the south side tables double-parked with chairs, I counted only two customers at the tables on the north side, and neither looked happy or looked good in that harsh light!
If space people landed on earth, the first question I would ask them is, “What do you eat?” hoping it’s not earthlings. And the second would be, “Why are you here?” What else matters?


Reasons you need to get a puppy. Link

[When to Write Out Numbers] A more journalistic style that requires numbers under 10 be spelled out, unless the number is the first word in a sentence. Then the number is spelled out. However, the reference link always uses numerals for ages. Link


[A United Kingdom] Movie about a backward African British protectorate in 1947 caught between the politics of its British masters trying to keep the South African apartheid government happy. Never trust a government to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but or anywhere close to the truth, or keep its promises, even if the government is run by Winston Churchill. Courage under fire, grace in hell, love triumphs, the bad people finally get what’s coming to them. Trailer.

[Fake Meat] DNA testing finds trouble with Subway’s chicken meat. I guess I missed it, but in 2014, major fast food chains including McDonald’s and Burger King were exposed as using wood pulp to stretch their meat, So much for “two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle, onion, and a sesame seed bun”…. and wood pulp! Now DNA testing has exposed what else is in that fast food burger. Out of 6 meats tested, each contained an average of 16 ingredients that were not meat. You don’t worry so much about onion powder” as you do about industrial ingredients. The surprise worst offender was Subway’s teriyaki chicken which was not even half chicken! It was mostly soy, and you can bet it was pesticide laden GMO soy. Link
I just realized that cats sit on their arse holes. They lift their tail and sit on the black spot. I know that’s profound. Now I’ve got to follow my cat with a disinfectant bottle and spray everyplace she sits.
The Wild Man of Orchids at W. Martello Gardens, KWOS president Jay Pfahl will give a presentation by Stig Dalstrom, Wild Man of Orchids. The topic is Orchids of Peru including Machu Pichu, a fascinating historic site in itself. All are welcome to bring their blooming orchids for Show & Tell for display. March 19, 1:00 pm. Marie 305 509 7744. Link
[TV] We can’t cut the cable, but I record only the programs I like, then watch them and skip over the commercials. If I find a really bad commercial, I do not buy their products. This seems to be the only way I know to fight back?
[Lighting] I was at the little Tiki Saturday and was observing how people looked under the ugly white lighting on one side of the bar. I took her picture because she was so rough looking. She then joined her friends at the other side of the bar, the side with the warm lighting. What a difference!  Interesting fact: it made no difference to the locals- they tried to pick her up on either side of the bar.
[Sick Society] A Texas bill targets the very personal lives of men. It includes a $100 fine for a man’s masturbatory emissions as an act against an unborn child.
[Don’t Donate Sperm in 3 Florida Counties] Health officials say men from three Florida counties shouldn’t donate sperm because of the risk of spreading Zika. Broward, Palm Beach, and Miami-Dade Counties.



What you see is not a see thru skirt. It is actually print on the skirt to make it look as if the panties are visible. They are the current rage in Japan. I post this as a public service, so you won’t have a heart attack when this hits your local Walmart.

[Editor Sucks] Deer Ed, Please explain to your readership that the comments, “A**hole Department” and “How petty.” were your comments, not mine. Thank you!

“[A**hole Department] The County Code Enforcement took down our 3 temporary yard sale signs yesterday. They were advertising this Saturday’s Community-wide yard sale, etc. How petty.”

(Ed: My apologies to the poster who is a regular contributor to the CT. I’m sorry to say that it took them three tries to get my attention and to post this correction. I don’t know the reason for the objection to my editing, but I should have done as the poster requested. Of that, I regret.)

The humanitarian crisis is nothing but what those people have done to themselves. They live in squallier and breed like rats knowing they cannot feed or educate their off spring, and are too stupid to get neutered! I felt sorry for the 3rd and 4th worlds, but not any more!

[Paris] While driving north over the 7 Mile Bridge my wife looked right and saw the large tower (Sombrero Light) out on the ocean. She said, “Gee, I didn’t think France was that close!” (Yes, she’s a blonde.)

[We All Have To Move] I was born in Florida, but not in the Keys. I wanted to move down here, but seeing what is going on in Monroe County and the high prices of everything my husband says no way. I give the Keys five years before the developers push all you locals out with higher taxes, fees, and utility charges
[Architectural Failure] The new Mote Marine building on Summerland Key sure looks like a glorified barracks for the NWO to me. The Mote people must be connected to the big guys with all the money to get our Keys redeveloped into another playland like Boca or Ft Laud! Or will it be a homeless s**thole for the useless eaters? Your tax money at play folks!

[The Bay of Pigs Mix] I just invented a new Cuban sandwich. You take about a 3″ piece of center cut ham steak, lightly grilled, and put it between a heavily buttered toasted English Muffin–“Bays” naturally, and top it with a nice slice of American cheese and a couple of slices of dill pickle. I call it “The Bay of Pigs mix”.

[Keys Life] It’s funny to listen to people complain about how uncivilized it is here. I’m almost 65 (like the guy who bitches about labels others put on him) Why do you care? According to actuary tales, you’ll be dead in less then 13 years. I’m probably leaving in one year because it’s too civilized. When my wife and I moved here permanently 24 years ago, we said we’d give it 6 months or a year and if she or I didn’t like it we’d move. Rent for a year. Cheap insurance. Where isn’t it great if you are on vacation? Eating out mostly, not working and spending money you wouldn’t spend if you were not on vacation. Just don’t expect a local chapter of MENSA to be worried about other’s perception of yourself sounds like a 13 year old, worried about peer pressure.




As seen on TV!

[“Abolish the 1st Amendment”] Is the person who wrote this from a former communist country? Or are they just insane? Move to China or North Korea if you want to live like that.
[Tennessee Williams – His Words In Letters] The Tennessee Williams Exhibit and the Studios of Key West will present an intriguing evening of theater focusing on the deeply emotional and tumultuous relationship of Tennessee Williams and Frank Merlo, his partner for thirteen years, most of them spent in Key West. It will provide insights into the artistic rollercoaster that plagued Tennessee for most of his life and his deep love for this one man that added to both those highs and lows. Written by John Reynolds, directed by Rebecca Tomlinson and featuring actors Annie Miners, Don Bearden and Neal Ruchman, the performance will take place one night only on March 19 at 8:00 p.m. at the Studios of Key West, 533 Eaton Street. Tickets are available on-line at The Studios of Key West or by phone at (305-296-0458)
  1.  The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country (into the ground).
  2.  The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
  3.  The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
  4.  USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times.
  5.  The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could find the time and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.
    6.  The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
  6.  The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
  7.  The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
  8.  The Chicago Tribune is read by people in prison, who used to run the state, as would their constituents who are free on bail.
    10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
  9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for.
  10. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at Winn-Dixie.

13. The Key West Citizen is read by people who still wear head bands, Mexican Vests and use the paper for joints while cashing their SS Checks

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