2017 March

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

[Dogs Around Food] How disgusting is it to have dog dander fly around in a grocery store. And it’s especially gross when dogs are placed inside the carriage to sit their dirty butts where my fresh food goes–a total health code violation. The other day while in Winn Dixie a woman brought her large shaggy dog in on a leash – no service dog marking. They both proceeded to the salad bar by the deli. While the dog’s owner (and oblivious health code violator) gathered her salad items, around and around the bar, the dog shook its hair twice. Can you imagine the crap that came off that scraggly mutt? Not only did the dog’s dander fly in the salad and olive bars and water fountain, but it surely contaminated the uncovered deli items that were being served to the many lunch break workers waiting in line. I was so disgusted, I returned what I was about to buy and hit the road. These people are not responsible dog owners and/or dog lovers, but ignorant and needy individuals with disregard for others in general.
I gave up Lent, for drinking beer!



[Paulytime at Coconuts] Live music and an open mic Wednesday, March 8 from 6-9 pm.

[Guide to Teen Engrish] Guide to all those weird words your teen uses. Want to know why this column is lit AF? Video
[DirecTV 880 Number Higher Prices] I never received any phone call or voice mail from anyone wanting to know why they pay two times more than the new customer price. But I’ll answer you right here. Once your 2-year contract is up your bill goes up. The only way to win as a consumer is to switch companies every 2 years and that’s how you can keep your bill down. I’m not supposed to tell you this, but my customers come first! Did I install your service or did you go through the 800 number? If anyone should call me, please leave a message or better yet text me at 305-896-3017. I never miss a text. ~Thanks, SammySam, Fla Keys Satellite. Your authorized local DirecTV agent.
[School] There has been a rumor going around for the last week or so that a student at KWHS has been designated a National Merit Scholar Finalist.  If so, he would be the first in District history. Do you know anything about it?
[Insurance Logic] We have dropped our wind insurance because the yearly cost and the $7,000 deductible are ridiculous! We would be paying for any damage out of pocket anyway. If the winds are so bad as to blow the house down, the Keys would not be here anymore anyway!
[Free Things To Do in the Key West] if you have a local ID, many attractions in Key West are free on the first Sunday of the month, year-round. Usually they are listed in the Paradise section that comes out on Thursdays in the Key West Citizen.  Here’s a list:
Customs House
Shipwreck Museum
Truman Little White House
Conch Train
East Martello Tower (this is the one you have to pay for usually; West Martello is always free)
Lighthouse Tower and Keeper’s Quarters
Botanical Garden (Stock Island)
Old Town Trolley


Does anyone know how to locate Jimmy Jensen with Lawn Care of the Keys on Big Pine Key? He took care of our lawn and did a nice job. He has vanished. He lived on Fern Street and drove the Rum Runner race boat.

[Travel] Why you shouldn’t throw out your boarding pass. Video
[Death Row] Torture is supposed to be banned by our moral codes, but in reality, what is more of a torture than waiting to die in prison. To be hanged, gassed, poisoned, electrocuted, shot, a life sentence, in an entrapment designed to keep you away from the public? Then as a prisoner you get all the benefits the State will grant and pay for with monies contrived from hard working tax payers. Would it not be better to use that criminal for fertilizer, in a gulag, in an experimental medical lab, radiation disaster repair or some other field that would protect honest citizens? Some day it will be possible to delete a sick humans brain waves and replace them with good vibes.
[Yard Sales Etiquette] “A**hole department” I do wish that someone would publish a guide to yard sale etiquette.

Some highlights would be: never place a sign before you are ready to accept shoppers.  A 2’X2′ sign stating your hours can not be read by a driver tooling down the highway!  Most yard sale patrons will simply turn down the street looking for the next sign leading to the sale only to find that there is no current sale. This wastes time and annoys your neighbors by driving unnecessary traffic through your neighborhood.

About your signs: not removing your sign after ending the sale should also be punished by reimbursing everyone who wasted time and fuel looking for your non-existent sale.

As someone who enjoys going to sales looking for the deal of the day, I would like to suggest that before you price an Item that you, at least, have a clue as to the actual price of a similar new item.  It is both funny and annoying to find an item priced at new or greater prices.  And yes, I understand that it is your stuff and you can ask what you want, but you do realize the general concept of a yard sale is to reduce your pile of unnecessary stuff? and give an opportunity for someone to acquire something that they could not otherwise afford new?

If we are not careful we may end up like other communities around the country where they have to get a permit from the County or City just to have a yard sale.

Forget about tug of war! Insert metaphor here. Video


Let there be starlight: Light pollution a glaring problem. This should be in every State. Turn them porch lights off. Look up & enjoy the planetarium you already have. Light pollution is more than just not being able to see the night sky, it impacts animals, insects and maybe even human health. Video

[The Buffett Rule] Let’s see if these idiots understand what people pressure is all about. Here’s where the cuts should be made! Warren Buffett, in a recent interview with CNBC, offers one of the best quotes about the debt ceiling: “I could end the deficit in five minutes,” he told CNBC. “You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP, all sitting members of Congress are ineligible for re-election”.

Salary of retired US Presidents $180,000 for life.
Salary of House/Senate members $174,000 for life. This is stupid
Salary of Speaker of the House $223,500 for life. This is really stupid
Salary of Majority / Minority Leaders $193,400 for life. Stupid

Average Salary of a teacher $40,065
Average Salary of a deployed Soldier $38,000

[Developers] Habitat for Humanity invites all interested parties to a community meeting at the Big Coppitt Fire Station on Saturday, March 18th at 2:00 pm. The meeting will serve to introduce their proposed project to build 10 new homes with affordable deed restrictions on the vacant site on US Highway 1 between Emerald Drive and Sapphire Drive.  Staff members will be available to answer questions about the project and will also provide a short presentation about the Homeownership Program and the application process.  For additional information, contact Susan Kent at 305-294-9006.


[Advertising Boats in the Keys] Thanks to the artist McIntosh and the Citizen for the cartoon that says it all.

[Charity] When you give cash to a charity you have to understand that a certain amount of it will be skimmed–if not all of it! What a shame. When people handle large amounts of cash, temptation always wins. If a small local charity only has one treasurer and no yearly audit, the temptation to “borrow $100 just this once to pay my electric” escalates until someone checks the books.
[Gunfight in 1904] Key West Policeman C.T. Till was shot down in cold blood by “Dutch” Melbourne Monday night, backed by a crowd of drunken chums. The affair began in a coffee shop when Melbourne, Will Cash, Arthur Sheppard, George Roberts, Harry Wellacutt and others were raising a disturbance. One of the members smashed a show window, and the proprietor summoned a policeman. Officer Till responded and Melbourne, having admitted that he had broken the glass, Till attempted to arrest him, when Melbourne grabbed him, the others joined in and Severely beat him and took his pistol from him. “During the fracas, Harry Wellacutt received a blow on the head intended for Arthur Sheppard, who dodged it. Finally, the officer was thrown to the floor and Arthur Sheppard took his pistol and gave it to Melbourne. Officer Till received a cut across his forehead from ear to ear from Will Cash, it being his intention to scalp him.

The officer being disarmed, ran to Mayor Trevor’s house and ask for a pistol. The Mayor gave him his pistol and borrowed another from a neighbor, and went toward the corner of Division [Truman Avenue] and White Streets. As soon as the Officer Till came up to the gang, Melbourne opened fire on him. The first shot took effect and Till fell. Melbourne put several  more shots into the body, any one of which would have caused death, Melbourne then remarked, “This is an old Grudge”.

While Melbourne was shouting, Mayor Trevor opened fire and wounded him in the arm, but his gun hung fire and was useless. Till died without regaining consciousness, in about ten minutes, in Fogarty’s Drug store.

After the shooting the gang dispersed, Melbourne was not found until nearly 3 o’clnck in the morning, when he was arrested by Sheriff Hicks and Police Captain Albury at his mother’s house. Will Cash was arrested at Fogarty’s Drug store shortly after the shooting. Arthur Sheppard and George Roberts were arrested by officers Collins and Baker. George Roberts attempted to escape, but met a gun in his face and surrendered. Link > Page 16



Christine King of Big Pine Key wows the audience with her hula hooping-conch-blowing skills. You go girl! (Yes, that’s our own Steve Miller M/C-ing)

[Sewer News] Little Palm Resort will not be able to connect its waste systems to Cudjoe Regional via an old potable water system off Long Beach Road in Big Pine Key. That “will not cut it”, according to the state Department of Environmental Protection.

The Navy property on Boca Chica is not in compliance with state standards either. The FKAA took over the Navy’s system in 2015 and should have the base connected to the Big Coppitt Key central sewer plant by the end of the year, which would bring the base into compliance.


Imagine paying eight bucks for dirt? I never thought anyone could even charge for it!




[Alternative Facts] Coconuts are mammals because they have hair and produce milk.

I was in Winn Dixie last week. They had the tiniest woman of a certain age on my register. I think her name was Patty? For the first time In a lot of years I was shocked by someone who actually made me feel like I was in the Keys I moved to a bunch of years ago. She was quick, yet she still took that extra second or 2 to inquire on my day and didn’t get perturbed when I couldn’t immediately locate my money and held things up. Winn Dixie, you scored a real winner in that little gal. The best part was her love of our Keys burst out of her with every word she said to me. No hurry-up mainland attitude! Great job Patty. Thank you, Winn Dixie management for fixing what was once a horrible store and hiring some great staff.
[Sue Paul] Sue Paul passed at 5:10 am on Saturday, March 4. She has no relations here or of known whereabouts and was not very religious, so I think she would more appreciate a toast from friends or a Wake than a service.  Sue has been hospitalized since Feb 2, 2016 when she had a brain bleed. 911 was called as it was happening, but they got lost on the way, then they tried to get into the house next door, then misdiagnosed her partial paralysis as a back injury and they all sat in the ambulance out front for maybe a half hour while the rescuers went through her purse for information to fill out paperwork. At KW, a CAT scan showed the hemorrhage and she was sent on Trauma Star to Kendal. She spent months up in Miami facilities before paying her own transfer back to the Keys. She was doing very well at the KW Health and Rehab Center and was nearing a point where she could go home with assistance, but then acquired several serious infections that had her in ICU for months. She was out of ICU and back at KWH&R just after her 70th birthday on Feb 20th, but did not survive long there.

Plenty of locals and snowbirds know Sue Paul who has been a Ramrod Key resident since about 1970, a Moosette of the Big Pine lodge, vice president of Dump the Pumps, Inc. She once worked as the senior accountant at FKAA, an EMT/Firefighter for the County, fierce defender of all animals, and friend to many.

Her two very loving and gentle black cats and two very affectionate Chihuahuas, Coco and Murphy are now at the Marathon SPCA hoping to find someone to love. Here’s to Sue!

The Rose Tattoo” is the focus of upcoming birthday celebration events. The Tennessee Williams 106th birthday celebration continues with a lecture and tour given by Dennis Beaver, curator of the Tennessee Williams Exhibit, about the 1954 Key West filming of the movie, “The Rose Tattoo.”  The two dates for the event are March 10 at 10 a.m. and March 12 at 2 p.m. at the Exhibit at 513 Truman Avenue.  The film is a Williams’ adaptation of the play by the same name written by him while living in Key West and for which he won a Tony.  The stars of the movie are Anna Magnani who won an Oscar for her role as Serafina and Burt Lancaster.  The house where Magnani’s character lived and where most of the film was shot is at Pearl and Duncan Street, next door to where Tennessee Williams had a home for thirty-four years.  Both properties are now privately owned.   Some local residents were recruited as extras for the film, including one well-known Italian family.   The Key West premiere of the film was held at the San Carlos Institute on January 19, 1956.  “The Rose Tattoo,” film is being shown at the Tropic Cinema on March 13 at 6 p.m.  It is part of the Monday night classic film series offered in March by the Tennessee Williams Exhibit and Tropic Cinema.  For more information, contact Beaver at
[Russia] I find it very interesting about this whole thing with the President and the Russian connection.  As a long-time basket weaver I’ve learned that most folks miss the simplest of things. What is the First Lady’s name? What is their daughter’s name? Donald’s original family name is “Drumpf”. They’re an Eastern European breed. Maybe it’s just all about the wodka!



[Fine Art is a lost art] “Red Surrants” by Ineke De Raad

[Catholic’s Lent] How humanity is progressing? Humanity is not progressing mentally, only mechanically. Humanity is now vicious and nothing matters but greed and profit.
We claim to be a Christian society but vote and live like the Devil, denying the poor and needy and phasing out good things like Medicaid.During the six weeks of self-examination and reflection, Christians who observe Lent typically make a commitment to fast, or to give up something—a habit, such as smoking, watching TV, or swearing, or a food or drink, such as sweets, chocolate or coffee. These came Christians should trying giving up discrimination and greed. I know them, they are friends  and they couldn’t do it.
Looe Key Tiki did a very good job of redeeming itself on Saturday night. The new restrictions that I criticized in the last CT were not enforced. They finally booked Michael singing with the Taco Tuesday Jam Band (with very good subs for possibly the world’s best bass guitarist Cliff and super drummer Luke). They had two excellent bottled craft IPAs and a canned craft beer for $2 each. One Bud Lite draft drinker tried an IPA, but he drank it like a light beer and at 7% alcohol it made itself known quickly (hic!).
The place was packed, the dance floor nearly always full, and with dancing music that superb and high quality brews at grocery store prices, people stayed much longer than usual.But those glaring bright rope lights north of the bar are still really annoying, even from the other side or out under the big tiki near the band. Service was very good, even with two injured servers. If I had known I was going to get such a deal on brews, I would have had dinner there just to help support the place. I tipped as if the brews were regular price, so my waitress didn’t suffer a bit, especially since someone else paid my tab and also tipped her! Even with a fistful of dollars in the band’s tip jar, I got out of there cheap and smiling.
The best way to fix our country is not to pay taxes as a protest to the heads of the snakes. Shut the damn gates and make people work for their keep. Instantly all the bums and illegals will split for greener pastures or die off. Let them try to find another country that is as soft a touch like America. Yeah, right!


[Movies] For car in the movies information.  Find a movie to see what cars are in it.  Look up a car to see what movie it’s in like 1959 Plymouth Fury. Link

I heard the FKAA went to Vietnam, Cambodia and other oriental countries trying to seduce them to use real sewage systems to help clean up our planet. They were laughed at and asked how would they grow their rice without s**t for their rice paddies.


[Landshark] I have heard for years about one of these creatures and was amazed to finally see one as I traveled down Key Deer Blvd: a purebred, Big Pine Key Land Shark… very rare!

[US1 Radio’s Morning Mix] Well, they finally took that nitwit off the air. It’s a wonder she was on as long as she was!

“Uhh…. let me Seeeeee….. uhh….. that’s not it wait, oh dear. Maybe it’s this one, yeah, oh well ….. uhh…..”

Crappy music, same stupid conversations with the same stupid guests. Phew!


[Motorcycle Race] I watched the road race in the Isle of Man several times and had the thought that this is as close as you can get with these crotch rockets to a true high speed hover board. Someday they will have 200 MPH hover boards racing! Video

There are men running governments who shouldn’t be allowed to play with matches.  ~Will Rogers 1879-1935
[Photography Club] Looking for a new adventure?  We invite you to attend the Florida Keys National Wildlife Refuges Photography Club meeting.  We welcome everyone, from beginners wanting to learn, to experienced photographers who want to share their expertise.   Together we’ll explore the natural areas of the Florida Keys looking for great photography opportunities and stories to share. Bring 3-5 photos to share.  Learn about our upcoming field trips and photo classes.  Photo Club President Joe Gilroy will be teaching wildlife photography skills. The meeting is scheduled for Wednesday, March 8th, 6:30-8:00 P.M. at the National Key Deer Refuge Visitor Center in the Winn-Dixie plaza on Big Pine Key.  For more information, contact Kristie @ 305-304-9625.  Facebook: Florida Keys Wildlife Refuges Photography Club
[‘Illegals’] Joseph Legal works in big time real estate, has a Social Security number and makes $200,000,000 per year with no taxes deducted or paid because of deductions. Jose Illegal works in construction, has no Social Security number, and gets paid $15 cash “under the table”. Donald Legal and Jose Illegal both enjoy police and fire services, and neither paid for them. Who is really robbing the American people? Do you get it, now?
[Marine Pollution] It’s no longer a question of if a sea turtle patient has ingested marine pollution, it’s now a question of how much the turtle has ingested. Each jar presented in the photo contains the stomach contents of a deceased hatchling. Marine pollution will continue to be a never-ending story, unless we work together to improve the health of our oceans.
[“DirecTV 800 Number Rip-off”] I also have been paying twice that amount the poster, last week, stated. It makes me sick to know I could get much more for my hard earned dollars. Why can’t I just pick the TV channels I always watch and scrap the rest? It would save us a lot of money that way! (Ed: Call Sammy Sam the DirecTV man. He’s the official local agent for DirecTV. 305-896-3017)


[Russian Scare] The Russians are coming! I know the media is trying to scare us, but have you ever seen Russian women?  Many are drop dead gorgeous and thin. Let’s get a bunch to come down here. The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!

With my luck, I’ll probably be reincarnated as me.



The most famous kiss in America. I took this photo Sunday in Key West of Seward’s sculpture.
As Time Goes By–Sam Dooley Wilson

[National Politics] Deer Ed, I’m seeing National politics on the CT. Have you changed your guidelines? I have also noticed a Left sided lean. I guess you just can’t help yourself. I do understand I felt the same way for the last 8 years. On a lighter note. Fishing is great. (ED: I thought the scandals would die down after the election, but they are only increasing, so political stuff is going back on the National Politics page.)
The Mystic Krewe of Key West Bal Masque 2017[?] sure shows how all the ugly people congregate together. No wonder Key West is done as a young crowd party town. The AARP bunch has taken over!


Fantasy Fest this year should be the Repubs doing the Demos with all kinds of laughable “connections” of Elephants “doing” Donkeys! Let’s call it, “Am I Hurting You BabeFest”

[Outdoor Fest] For the Birds – unique outdoor guided birding adventures in the four Florida Keys National Wildlife Refuges suitable for beginners and experts alike.

Saturday, March 11: 7:30 am-9:00 am.  In Key Largo at Crocodile Lake NWR – A behind the scenes walk into the refuge with experienced birder Trevor Watts.  Meander the tropical hardwood hammock towards the edge of a mangrove forest to witness avian diversity during the spring migration. Free (wear light long pants and shirt, bring bug spray).

Wednesday, March 15:  10:00 am-12:00 pm Boca Grande Island, Key West National Wildlife Refuge.  This one is a little quirky; it is a “bring your own boat” adventure that meets out at the island itself.  Refuge biologist Kate Watts will introduce you to the incredible birding, butterfly and wildlife species that make this island home or just migrate through.  Email to register.  Limited to 15 people. Free.

Thursday and Friday, March 16 and 17: 8:00 am-11:00 am.  A three-hour tour of the Backcountry islands and shallow waters of Great White Heron National Wildlife Refuge.  Relax and enjoy the trip on a large catamaran boat (with restroom).  Join Refuge biologist Kate Watts, Park Ranger Kristie, and ecotour guide Bill Keogh for an amazing journey into this area considered by most to be a national treasure.  Cost $30.

Saturday, March 18th:  7:30 am-10:30 am. Join refuge biologist Kate Watts and several of our experienced volunteers for a land-based birding walk in National Key Deer Refuge.  You’ll never know what you’ll see during the spring migration season.  Beginners and experts welcome.  Free.

For a complete list of events and to register. Link or call Kristie at 305-304-9625 for more information.

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