2017 May

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures


[See-thru Dive Flag] Safe boating this weekend.  Multiple law enforcement agencies (Florida FWC, USCG, Monroe County Sheriff, etc) will be doing vessel safety checks this holiday weekend, check your safety equipment–life jackets and flares, fire extinguishers, running lights; and please replace your dive flag before it becomes translucent!

[Bad Change] It always happens when you have the perfect bar that’s been a great place for years, but is sold to someone who thinks he has better ideas and ruins the place. This is a common occurrence in the Keys.


If a mosquito bites a person with AIDS then bites someone else, isn’t that like sticking a contaminated needle into the second person?

[Why We Need Uber] We called a cab from the west end of Marathon twice. “15 minutes” they said. After 40 minutes, we walked. I’m so glad I have a driver’s license and don’t have to depend on incompetent imbeciles to get from A to B.
I read the comments that the Civil War was not about slavery but only about states rights. It is amazing that after all these years there are still people who are trying to sell that load of crap. The only right that the South was fighting for was the right to own people. It is true that the Emancipation Proclamation did not free all the slaves. That was done during the war for military reasons. President Lincoln did free all the slaves when he was able to. Perhaps if the writer would use the local library and read the history of the south and the war they might change their view. A truly brutal, horrible war and not a gallant struggle. Of course, they could rely on watching the movie “Gone With the Wind” or the history of the South. They would have to realize that it is only a movie and not a documentary–you know, fantasy versus reality
We have an Amazon Echo and it’s a pretty cool device, luckily we haven’t reached the age where we need to order an upgrade. Video
[“Offshore drilling good because platforms make habitat for fish”] Absolutely. Maybe Gov. Scott will get a law passed requiring mandatory rigs offshore from every Key. All it will take to inspire him is a donation from the Koch Brothers or anybody else with a suitcase full of money. It would be a beautiful sight, no more drabby, plain, ocean and sunset pictures. It would undoubtedly attract even more tourists. Why haven’t we thought of this before now? Where are our great Keys commissioners when we need them? They like money too.
Instead, if you want oily fish, eat mackerel, natural is healthier.
[Pre-Flight Announcement] Here is a blond who is no dummy! You might want to listen to the video twice as it is very fast. Read the text as the video proceeds. This is one of the best! Video
When I lived on Big Pine and went past Underseas dive shop I can remember thinking many times, is that place even open? It always looked like “who did that and ran?” Ugly, un-kept & trashy. Not the face I would put on my business. Some people have no pride
As a former FDOT construction inspector here in the Keys. The observed roadway deterioration is in the wheel tracks (the path that wheels normally take while traveling) and almost never observed in the center of the lane. So now we know where this problem is located, now the reason. The base below the asphaltic concrete surface has to be compacted to insure the road doesn’t settle. The constant determined for compaction is for the whole width of the lane. Because the volume of traffic weight is incurred primarily in the wheel tracks this continuous excessive pounding is overwhelming for the constant for the whole lane width compaction and the wheel tracks settle. While I worked there, there was no recognition or solution for this obvious continual problem with asphaltic flexible pavement.
[Doing Business in 2017] I wanted to get some prices for yard work and called some locals. Are they nuts or what? $50 per hour to cut grass or to chop down a bad tree? Who the hell do you people think you are? Getting a quote for the entire job is also nuts!

I’m looking for someone to install a safety bar for my walk-in shower. Please all 305-240-3332. Thank you.

[Offshore Oil Drilling] Polls by independent national polling concerns in the US generally show majorities in favor of offshore drilling, Wikipedia says.  So it’s true.



[Wear Safety Glasses] As we slowly move through our “golden years” and retirement, we need to keep ourselves occupied with small projects… like this guy!

[Bureaucracy] I have been called for jury duty, again!. Why do they waste paper and postage when they know I am over 75 years old?
[Air Quality] “Conspiracy man’s chem trails” Do you ever think what the jet trails are made of? What does JP4 turn into when the jet engines burn it? Yes, exhaust gases just like your car or truck, but one hell of a lot more! We are poisoning our air for profit. Stupid is that stupid does.
[Movie Review] I saw “Alien: Covenant” at Regal Cinema last night. Don’t know how “Alien” movie lovers liked it, but for me it was the first Alien film with depth, if the utter stupidity of the crew members of the Covenant, that’s the Earthling star ship, is set aside. The twists and turns in the plot are full of surprises. And, finally, there is some inkling of how the aliens came to be. Some inkling. Perhaps the next Alien film will fill in more blanks. Maybe that film will be the aliens coming to Earth. I can see how that might happen, based on how “Alien: Covenant” ends. Hope I’m not around when they arrive
One of the “State’s rights” that the South was fighting for was the right to have slaves. They put it in their Constitution. As far as the North going to war for one reason or another. It doesn’t matter, they were attacked first by the South.



[Offshore Oil Drilling] In 2011, the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management (BOEM), an agency within the US Department of the Interior, estimated a mean of 3.30 billion barrels of oil—approximately half of what the US consumes each year—sit under the Atlantic ocean’s floor. Now that it’s 6 years later, we need it more than ever!

I would like to see a section in the CT that rates all businesses including doctors, lawyers and retailers with a rating box where we can give them 1 to 10 rating


[Bring Back Chain Gangs] Most criminals do their crimes just so they don’t have to work for a living, so when we catch them why not stick them in a good old Russian style gulag and make them work? Enough of the plush cell life they get now!

[“Offshore drilling good because platforms make habitat for fish”] Following your logic we should shoot you in the head and dump your body in the Ocean. After all, it will feed the fish, your skeleton can contribute to the building the reef, there will be one less person needing food, fresh water, housing or a job. Just because you can rationalize something doesn’t mean that you should do it.
[Imaginary Business] Where is the company that cuts down and grinds up unwanted foliage on properties for free and makes bagged mulch?


Every time I see an old DC3 Dakota I wonder why they didn’t make the windshield aerodynamic. As it is, the wind slams against the almost flat windshield. They knew about aerodynamics and streamlining in the 30s and 40s. How come that wasn’t applied to this cockpit?

At my age “getting lucky ” is finding my car in the parking lot!



Nicholas Sand, creator of famous ‘Orange Sunshine’ LSD, dies at 75. Orange Sunshine was the standard of purity of the LSD world, even better than Owsley’s. Link

[Offshore Oil Drilling]  The oil industry clearly expects Trump to favor an increase in offshore drilling leases. There’ll be lots of marine life around the drill sites. Link
[Remaking the Keys] Driving up to Miami one can only wonder who is making all the obnoxious profits “gingerbreading” Route 1. So many useless signs, hand rails, guard rails, extra bike paths, road lines painted everywhere, not to mention the unneeded center divider lanes and hundreds of other useless items. We pay taxes to maintain our ‘hood, not to get fleeced by these greedy brother-in-laws! What’s next 4 lanes to the Key West to Cuba bridge?
[“Sombrero Light Station Kaput”] This may be the problem. A 17% cut to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) and a $1.3 billion cut to the US Coast Guard. So basically, NOAA and the USCG have their hands tied. Your best bet is to contact your elected officials, and remind them they are supposed to be working for you.


Former owners of the Underseas dive shop property are the same owner that closed it — Tom Thumb. Write the owner, tell him your concerns. He does not care. Coming soon, a giant gas station with a Subway. That ought to be enough to make BPK homogenized just like the northern crap town you moved here from.

Chelsea Manning was a guy, but what do they cut out and off to make it a female? Can it have kids or make sperm?
[Unkempt Property] If the dive shop can be sighted by Code Enforcement for an unkempt property, can I call code on my lazy neighbors with jungles and abandoned vehicles in their yard? That would not only make my neighborhood look pretty but most of Big Pine for that matter. Please folks, clean your yards! And don’t give me that tired Piner attitude: If you don’t like it move.


[Digital Peeper] The 36-year-old Homestead man accused of video voyeurism for putting coat hook cameras in women’s restrooms was arrested in Washington State, according to the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office. Link

I checked my calendar and it looks like I won’t give a damn next Tuesday either.
Tuesday Afternoon–The Moody Blues


[Computers Kill] Is your computer killing you? Do you sit for more than six hours playing games, doing email, searching the web, doing work on that thing? Do you exercise at all? If not, you are going to die in two years from blocked arteries and vanes and being out of shape. Bet on it!

Coconut Rum Coffee. Link
[Sewers] I had a doghouse that was several years old and made of thick plastic. I attempted to load it up to take to a friend and it just broke up into pieces. The plastic had become super brittle, even the bottom. As I carried the chunks to the trash, I noticed the recycling code on the bottom (that was exposed to no sunlight, but was just as brittle as the sides). It says “HDPE” which is what the grinder pump pits are made of. Those at FKAA that accepted HDPE instead of the spun fiberglass pits that were specified for the Cudjoe Regional will not be in this or any other doghouse when these cheap pits break into pieces, because they will be long gone back to the mainland with their bags of money and we will be left with broken plastic and a huge expense. HDPE does not last in this environment. The other thing in the Cudjoe Regional collection system that is HDPE is most of the pressure piping (forcemains). But they will probably clog up due to poor design and have to be replaced before they get brittle and shatter.
From the flipside of his 1968 MacArthur Park E.P. another great Jimmy Webb number done so well by Richard. Richard Harris — The Yard Went On Forever
[“Offshore drilling can benefit the environment”] Look how many jobs it can create to clean up their messes!
[Overgrown] The undeveloped property next to mind has tons of over-growth encroaching on my property, but I cannot get to the owner to trim back this crap. Any suggestions please!
Athroscopic knee surgery results from 13 top-notch studies covering decades, have been analyzed and reported in the British Medical Journal. The conclusion was that it is successful in about 15% of cases, but the improvement is usually gone within a year.
“We believe that no one or almost no one would want this surgery if they understand the evidence,” said Dr. Reed Siemieniuk, chairman of the guideline panel. The published guidelines say that for meniscus tears or arthritis, there is a “strong recommendation against arthroscopy.”
Arthroscopic knee surgery is performed about 2 million times a year and amounts to a $3 billion dollar cash flow for the medical establishment, so expect it to continue being recommended.
I recall another study where arthroscopic surgery was compared to sham surgeries where only an incision was made, yet reported improvements were about the same in both groups. So you might consider cutting your own knee and using the $1,500 for something you would prefer over outpatient surgery.
It’s often better to have an imagination than an education.

Today is National Kale Day. Who else wants bacon?

I got an awesome bargain (wholesale) on a truck load of powdered water. Does anyone know what I need to mix it with?
[Sewers] Who is the guy who’s got a bug up his butt for the FKAA? He writes long-winded posts every day about sewers.

Behold! Donald Trump and the mysterious glowing orb! Video

[Sewers] FKAA tap water troubles abound! I wonder if others have experienced black flakes in their tap water? Clogged filters or aerators from them? If your hot water heater has stainless braided hoses connecting the tank to the piping, that may be the culprit. Inside that braid is a rubber hose that deteriorates from the disinfectants that FKAA puts in the tap water. Link

Now how are your washing machine hoses? A quick, cheap fix is just swap out the hoses for new ones, but also add a whole house carbon filter to remove the disinfectants (chloramines and chlorine) so the new hoses don’t go the way of the old ones.

Chloramines are harder to remove than straight chlorine, so it is recommended that you put more than one carbon filter in series.
With that new filter system, you also will not be getting a dose of highly toxic chlorine gas every time you shower. Some people use filters that screw onto the shower head arm to reduce chemical exposure. They are only about $10.
Shower steam exposes you to about 50 times the chlorine concentration in water because chlorine vaporizes easily. Hot water opens your skin pores for faster absorption of the liquid chlorine and other contaminants.
Dr. Lance Wallace of the US EPA said “Showering is suspected as the primary cause of elevated chloroform in nearly every home because of chlorine in the water.”
A Belgian study released in 2003 reported that trichloramines are produced when chlorine reacts with organic materials (even sweat) and these are believed to initiate a process that effectively destroys the cellular barriers around the lungs.

As far as the FKAA slogan “Tap water- the best drink in town” goes…
The US Council of Environmental Quality reports that those who drink chloinated water have a 93% higher risk of cancer.
Rats exposed to chlorine and chloramines developed tumors in their intestines and kidneys.
Dr. Joseph Price headed a study comparing two flocks of several hundred chickens from hatch to maturity. One flock drank dechlorinated water and the other had regular tap water. At autopsy, all of the chlorine-drinking birds were found to have heart or circulatory disease but none of the dechlorinated water chickens did. What do you deduce from that, Sherlock?
And then there is the evil fluoride dose that FKAA adds. Whole books have been written about that poison in the water.
If you are going to drink much FKAA water, you had best run it through a reverse osmosis filter system or a Berkey brand counter top filter. Both make good water from sinister water cheaply, and you don’t get the endocrine disrupters from plastic drinking water bottles


In response to Louie‘s Mom. Thank you for letting me know. I knew you were the right people for an awesome little dog. I lost my tiny chi LuLu after 16 years a month ago. Thanks for giving him such a great home.

My wife and I were laying in bed watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.  I asked her if she wanted to have sex and she said, “No.”  I said, “Is that your final answer?”  She said, “Yes!”  I said, “I want to call a friend.”  That’s when the fight started.




Slaughter in Manchester, UK. 22 dead. Link

[Woman found dead at Fort Zach] Key West police detectives are investigating the death of Rickie Lynn Jernigan, 52, of Key West, who was found Sunday at Fort Zachary Taylor State Park parking lot dead of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Police were dispatched to the park at about 1:30 p.m. when a witness spotted Jernigan sitting unresponsive in her car, according to police. She was declared dead at the scene. Police discovered a gun in the car, reports state. Link

How does The Kinks’ Waterloo Sunset make the “very ordinary seem magical”? Watch Musicologist Professor Allan Moore explain why Ray Davies’ beautiful 1967 ode to London works so well. Video
[Grant to help others] 15 programs have been identified so far for funding through United Way of the Florida Keys’s traditional funding process in one of three United Way focus areas: access to nutritious food for people in critical need; early childhood or after-school care with an educational or positive behavioral component; or safety net services, including information and referral or short-term emergency response.

In addition to distributing $155,000 in grant allocations, UWFK is also releasing a request for proposals to organizations offering comprehensive after school and out of school time care in support of working families. This additional $30,000 investment in community support will help organizations serving children through all areas of the Keys.

Current 2017/2018 grant recipients providing access to nutritious food include:
– Star of the Sea Outreach Mission– $30,000 for a Keys-wide food distribution program
– Keys Area Interdenominational Resources (KAIR)– $15,000 for the food pantry in Marathon
– Florida Keys Children’s Shelter– $15,000 for food at the children’s shelters in Tavernier and Key West
– Florida Keys Outreach Coalition– $10,000 for the Loaves and Fishes food pantry and residential meal program in Key West
– Wesley House– $10,000 for the Inez Martin Nutritional Backpack Program in Key West
– Independence Cay– $10,000 for the soup kitchen in Marathon
– Monroe Association for ReMarcable Citizens– $7,000 for the Food and Individual Training program throughout the Keys
– Metropolitan Community Church– $6,000 for food for home-bound seniors in Key West
– Florida Keys Healthy Start Coalition– $6,000 for supplemental nutrition for children and infants throughout the Keys

Current 2017/2018 grant recipients providing early childhood or after-school care include:
– Marathon Recreation Center– $15,000 for after school care in Marathon
– Bahama Village Music Program– $10,000 for after school music education in Key West
– Southernmost Boys and Girls Club–$5,000 for after school programming in Key West
– Marathon Lutheran Church– $5,000 for after school scholarships in Marathon
– Florida Keys Healthy Start Coalition– $5,000 for a pregnancy and early childhood education program throughout the Keys

Current 2017/2018 grant recipients providing safety net services:
– Florida Keys Outreach Coalition–$6,000 for “Quick Assist” emergency aid and referral in the Upper Keys

Key West was the perfect paradise until this happened[?] Link


Congratulations to Dave Condra of Marathon, for leading the awesome “Tropical Depression” dragon boat team and for also for being the #1-Top 2017 Dragon Boat Team Fundraiser. Dave raised over $8,000 for Marathon’s Heron House that supports adults with mental health challenges successfully enjoy everyday living.

[Get rid of migrants?] Where’d you move here from white boy? Speak only one language? Ugly? Here’s the deal. Migrants were here before you, they stayed. Columbus, the Spanish conquistadors, Ponce de Leon, etc. If you didn’t want to live near migrants you should not have moved to the state that means Land-of-flowers in Spanish. Take your migrant ass back north, white boy, because this gringo loves Latinas



[Drilling Off Beaches] Virginia governor Terry McAuliffe, a Democrat, is pro-drilling (provided the Feds offer the same revenue-sharing deal that Louisiana has). How’s that sitting with you, Snowflakes?

The Tennessee Williams Exhibit is seeking volunteers to welcome guests on Sunday afternoons from 12 to 5 p.m. at the Exhibit location, 513 Truman Avenue.  The goal of the Exhibit is to keep the legacy alive of one of the greatest American writers of the last century. It offers visitors an entertaining and informative self-guided tour as well as curator led tours. Included in the Exhibit is the largest collection of Tennessee Williams memorabilia available to the public. It includes an extensive collection of photographs, most of which were taken in Key West, first edition plays and books, rare newspaper and magazine articles, videos, and a typewriter used by the author while writing in Key West.  Historic and hard to find artifacts and materials continue to be donated and purchased to enhance the Exhibit.  For more information or to volunteer, contact Dennis Beaver, Curator, at or 305-294-3121
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