2022 August

Friday, August 19, 2022

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[Doctors As Heroes] How come people who have torn shoulder rotor cuffs or knee surgery say how great their doctor is, even after the first two surgeries failed? Is it wishful thinking that they think their doctor is so good even after multiple failures? Is it because you like them as persons?
[Getting Saved] I was watching a show for about 10 minutes where this lady was listing all of these great things to do for fun. Then I realized that it was one of the religious channels, and she was reading a list of sins!

A big problem after Irma was that out of all the aid groups, not one of them had chainsaws. Even the Army, when they came to help clear the trees said they didn’t have training on chainsaws, so they left without lending any help.

[Friday Joke] An elderly man and his wife are on their way to Florida for vacation. He pulls into a gas station to refuel. As he’s refueling, a guy at the next pump next pump says, “I see you’re from Ohio”.
The man replies “Yes I am”
His wife (a little hard of hearing) yells out of the window “What’d he say”?
The husband say’s “He noticed that we are from Ohio”.
The guy at the next pump then says “I used to date a girl from Ohio. That was the worst sex I ever had”.
The woman leans out of the window and yells “What’d he say”?
Her husband replies, “He thinks he knows you.”
The old VW Beetle had almost no trunk space. There was a thin space under the front hood that was only good for clothes or other small stuff you could squeeze and crush into that space.
[Friday Joke] The wife and I were heading to Winn Dixie for weekly our groceries. I look at her list, she has “one can Manwich”. I question her, tell her I’m all the Manwich she needs. Shopping trip ends on a high note and she ends up buying a half dozen cans.

This abandoned canal is almost overgrown now. But back in the early 70s it was newly dug and 75’ wide with a tall spoil of marl on either side. It was to be a new development that the government shut down. The years and weather have worn the mounds away along with the dreams of the developers. (Yeah, government!)

[Country Life] See how others make good use of their land. Link
[“The Hukilau”] Coffee Butler was a fixture at the old Hukilau on N. Roosevelt Blvd.
Ink poisoning was a ‘thing’ in the 1950s. We worried about it. The nuns taught us not to stick ourselves with the pen’s nib (these pens were one step up from quills. They were wood and long and tapered with the fat end slotted to accept a metal nib that looked like a quill tip). They said if we got stuck we’d get ink poisoning and they’d have to cut our arms off. Oh, those nuns were really something!

[Ear Ecstasy] Why does twirling a Q-tip in your ear feel so good? Like…orgasm good!

The Florida Keys are so like Israel it is amazing. Same temperature, sand, government and people. I love it there! Next year we will move there permanently.
[Miyoko Murex] I met up with an old dive buddy. We were trading stories of experiences, locations, etc. He tells me of a place in the Philippines that has a variety of a particular seashell, Miyoko Murex. He said he was there right after a storm, and there were more of these shells than beer cans at NASCAR.
My doctor said, “The best cure for insomnia is a good nights sleep.”

[Quickie Bloom] Night blooming cirrus cactus bloomed at 10pm Monday night and was dead by morning.

Watch a snake wearing robot trousers strut like a lizard. Snakes actually have tiny limbs as an embryo. Video


One flew over the old coot’s nest.

[Friday Joke] A man walked into his doctor’s office on Friday and asked for a double dose of Viagra. “What do you need it for?”, the doctor asked. “Well, my ex-wife is coming over tonight, my girlfriend is coming over Saturday and my wife gets home from her business trip on Sunday”, he replied.

That Monday, the man walks into the doctor’s office with his right arm in a sling. “What happened?” asked the doctor. “Nobody showed up” said the man.

Hey, Wail 99.5 I do love your station, but you play way too much U2. They are not worthy of being played every hour. I turn off your station every time I hear it. Are you aware that all the other major rock acts actually have more than 4 songs? How about mixing up a little more?
[“Slow driver”] I don’t know. This person is inept and should be sent to driving school. Read the law and stay out of the left lane

[Drywall Screws] The duct tape of screws.

[Friday Joke] Nothing gets easier with age. Last night the wife pulled it to make it straight, then rubbed it to make it stand up. Then she licked it to make it stiff and slowly eased it in. Took her damned near an hour to get that needle threaded!

[Big Pine Library Book Club] We hope to see everyone this Saturday at 10am to discuss The Lincoln Highway by Amor Towles.

[Keys Disease] “Owner of All Keys Computer store in Marathon”. After using his store a couple of times about 5 years ago, I vowed to myself never ever, ever to patronize him again. I’m surprised to learn that he is still in business.

[Boo Hags and Haint Blue] vampires of the lowcountry and the paint that stops them. Did you ever wonder why some houses have a blue front door? I think I counted five on my street. Ever hear of a boo hag? Check out the blue door origin. Link

[Stuff the Bus] Thank you all for your help promoting UWCK’s “Stuff the Bus” campaign this year.  Please find the second release attached. There are only two weeks left to support Monroe County’s schools. 2022 Stuff the Bus 2nd Press Release UWCK 8-3-22


[Walmart] You go in for cookies and pudding and you come out questioning the fate of the human race. Proof that trash begets trash like garage and yard sales.

[“Slow Driver”] I think the writer defending slow pokes is a troll who gets pleasure from upsetting others. There are a lot of those people who’re “fun suckers” whose aim is to make others unhappy.
Published Friday August 19 at 8:32am