2022 July

Friday, July 15, 2022

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
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[Key Deer Petting Zoo] The new Refuge headquarters on Big Pine Key is missing a great opportunity to promote the refuge and raise awareness of the endangered Key Deer and its habitat. They should have a corral with the sick deer that they are treating. And make it a big deal when they release the cured animals. That’s what the Turtle Hospital does, and they make it a big event when the turtles are released back to nature. You see it in the papers all the time. People love it. We could do that too. More awareness of our deer equals more money and more public support for protecting the refuge. The Miami Zoo charges $5 for kids to feed giraffes one leaf of lettuce.
One big argument against this idea is that the deer will no longer fear man and associate humans with food. My answer to associating-humans-with-food argument is, Duh! That happened generations ago, wake up. Think anew. I don’t know of any resident who doesn’t feed them or give them water. That argument mainly comes from Washington, not the people who live among the deer.
[Team Sports] You’ve probably been wondering about team sports, which are greatly misunderstood. I have done extensive of research on the subject, most of which was accomplished by religiously avoiding watching any actual games.  So I have written this piece which explains everything that has always puzzled you.

Everything  You Need To Know By Louise Wood
HOCKEY: Bunch of guys who were tricked into thinking they’re playing golf. They have the club, but the flat ball won’t roll and their feet are cold. They are so miserable that they fight a lot among themselves. And they say ‘puck’ a lot.
SOCCER: They kick a white ball named ‘Wilson’ aimlessly around the field. Tom Hanks was kinder to it in ‘Castaway’.
BASKETBALL:  Very tall men in unattractive, ill-fitting clothes, who look like they need a shower badly. You can even smell them through the TV. You wouldn’t want to be in an indoor stadium, or court, or gym, or whatever they call it.
FOOTBALL:  These fellows wear oversized shoulder pads to make themselves look freakishly masculine. They’re not fooling anybody. It doesn’t help that they wear badly applied mascara which dribbles down onto their cheeks. Then they gather in a circle to tell dirty jokes. After that they run around laughing so hard that they all fall down and hurt themselves. They get concussions, forget how to play football and open restaurants.
BASEBALL: I can never figure out why they do that cute ballet kick before they throw the ball. It’s tradition, so they have to.  But their uniforms fit well, and their tushies look great in their tight pants. For that alone, baseball is worth watching. Some people look down upon Baseball as an outdated, inferior sport. I think that’s because their balls are so small.

[“Remove mold on dock”] You can buy a pressure washer for a hundred bucks and do it yourself (and you get to keep the pressure washer when you’re done). Or you can mix bleach, water and a few drops of liquid detergent and spray it on, let it set but don’t let it dry, and then rinse with a garden hose. If it’s thick buy a few pounds of bleach crystals at a pool store and wet the dock, then sprinkle the crystals evenly and keep it damp while it works. Then pressure wash the residue. Repeat if needed. Don’t let the EPA see you doing this over the water. Link
[White, White Man] Anderson Cooper needs to get out in the sun more. Or has his makeup person learned makeup in a funeral parlor.
[“Doesn’t trust computers”] I suspect the poster is using old operating systems like Windows 98 or Vista that were famously prone to problems. Since updating to Windows 10 and 11 I’ve never had one problem with the operating system—ever. And cloud storage is the safest way to protect your data. Don’t kid yourself. If you backup at home that is only one location and prone to problems. If you backup on the cloud, their redundancy is impressive, different locations, different countries. Plus you can simply access any file from any device anywhere, anytime. You can’t do that with home storage. I suggest the disillusioned poster update to the latest OS, Windows 11, subscribe to OneDrive cloud storage, and never worry again nor have an operating system problem ever again. P.S. Don’t forget to turn on Windows Update and stop complaining.
[Silent Bicycles] If I get run over and hurt by some fool on an electric bike going fast on the sidewalks in Key West, can I sue the city and rider?


Surgery-addicted model almost ruptures her huge breast implants after falling onto a concrete ledge while on vacation.

[Old Fashioned Fan Boy] I just read about an hours’ worth of feedback about Windows 10 and 11, and Office 365 and again proved to myself I will never ever buy that crap.  99% of the Feedback was bitching and moaning’s why this and that doesn’t work right, and why older software programs that ran well on older operating systems suck on Windows 10/11.  Most people knew this would happen when those people took over from Mr. Gates and ruined the company like they always do.  I’m staying with Windows 7 until my desktops rust away.

[Help Wanted] Construction helper needed with some construction experience. Must be able to read a measuring tape and handle simple tools. steady work. Grassy Key, FL. Call or text 305-731-6910

[Dumber] What is affecting Earth? Are the vaccines dumbing down everyone or is it something the Sun is doing? Within the last ten years, it seems the IQ of people has dropped. Why?

The year’s best bird photos highlight the humor, beauty, and fragility of avian life. The winners of the 13th annual Audubon Photography Awards have been unveiled. Link

[Flying Sucks] A passenger with an $11,000 ticket to Europe says Air Canada ‘begged’ 25 people to get off the plane because it was too heavy to take off. Then they lost his bag. You could not pay me enough to fly anymore. Link
The U.S. Postal Service was established in 1775. they have had 246 years to get it right and it is getting worse. Stamps now cost 58 cents and they are going up on July 10th to 60 cents.

Image from the James Webb Telescope of what the universe looked like over 13 billion years ago.  I’m not sure which planet Keith Richards lived on at the time.

[Pee] I listened to a radio program yesterday where that conservation guy said to pee in the shower to conserve water, here’s another tip: Wait for your wife to finish her shower first. Fair warning.
We’ve just seen the new Webb telescope’s pictures of our crowded universe. But there is too much going on down here too. Look at our skies and ships at sea.
[Holy Smoke!] Vatican under attack. Obelisk destroyed by explosions. Video

[Rogue Camel] Camel bites Minnesota zoo worker, drags him 15 feet by the head before biting another employee. Link
[Captain Doom and Gloom] When you look how the world leaders’ rule, you get the idea they all have one disease: terminal egotism. It’s the old story about giving the inept the power to rule the sheep and watch them heard those sheep to whatever “game show” butcher shop happens to be in vogue. Notice also, those “rulers and instigators” never produce anything viable for humanity. They take, but not give. I always wonder what Earth would be like if humanity was 100% non-religious Amish. Putin summed up the world situation as “the beginning of the fundamental collapse of the American-style world order…of the transition from liberal globalist American egocentrism to a truly multipolar world.”


[The First Smile] Scientists recreate face of the prehistoric human who discovered marijuana.

[Celebrity] The United States is a country where entertainers and athletes are mistaken for people of importance.  ~Robert A. Heinlein


Apparently Rick Santorum hired a firm to scrub the internet of this picture of him cozied up to confessed Russian spy Maria Butina.

[Walmart Power] Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart Every hour of every day. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot, Kroger, Target, Sears, Costco and K-Mart combined.


Propaganda advertisement from years ago when doctors still advertised cigarettes.

Heathrow Airport is the busiest in the world. 140,000 people fly out of there every day. That’s about two Super Bowl stadiums filled to capacity that they move in and out.

[Congress] There wouldn’t be a grocery store shortage right now if we are our vegetables instead of electing them.

[Friday Joke] My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely. She’s blond and beautiful and she lives right across the street. I can see her back yard from my kitchen window. She suntans back there and I always find a reason to do the dishes. I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door. I opened the door, she looked at me and said, “I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are you doing anything?”
I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free!”
“Great” she said, “Can you watch my dog?”
The Coconut Telegraph was published at 8:41am this morning.