2022 May

Friday, May 13, 2022

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[Bad Guys Caught] Alabama jailhouse love affair ended. Two of the worst prison stories are sex offenders and jailers who switch sides. Link
[“Poisoned poisonwood“] The poisonwood trees east of Key Deer Blvd from Lyttons Way to Fischer Lane are dead. They are dead at least 200 feet back. It looks like it was intentional as no other trees in the area are dead. I suspect it was herbicide as no other greenery was harmed and it didn’t cross the road if it was a blight. I believe they are endangered or protected as they are important to the refuge and the White-crowned Pigeon. I hope it isn’t the Refuge people experimenting with nature’s balance. It appears that the harm done to them was started at least a month ago and just became obvious a couple of weeks ago. I live down the road and all our poisonwood trees are in full bloom and healthy.
Plastic is indestructible. Almost all plastic ever manufactured still exists!


If you ever feel powerless, remember that just a single pubic hair can shut down a restaurant.

[Friday Joke] Three Irishmen in a pub were called Mick, Pat, and Tat. The barman says, “Are you all related?” Mick says, “Yeah we’re triplets!”.
The barman says “Triplets? How come you and Mick are six feet tall and Tat is only four feet tall?”
“Well!” said Mick, “Me and Pat were breastfed, so there was no tit for Tat. (groan)
[Christmas Feast] When I was young, one Christmas morning I looked out the big picture window of our Cape Cod Cottage and there, on our front lawn was my dog eating a large, still warm,  roasted turkey! Evidently a neighbor was being very generous, or my very sneaky dog found a way to steal someone’s roasted turkey. We never found out.
[Movies] Couples get up after a night of lovemaking, put on their old clothes and go to work. Don’t they have to pee first or shower? Yuk. And they never wipe after sex. Yuk again.
[Iwo Jima Not Needed] In thirty-six days of fighting on the island, nearly 7,000 U.S. Marines were killed. Another 20,000 were wounded. B-29s flew from Midway or Guam to bomb Tokyo. The US thought fighter escorts were needed so they wanted to capture an airstrip much closer to Japan for this purpose, but the B-29s attacked at night and flew low and didn’t need escorts. By this time Jampan’s air defenses were feeble. All those soldiers died for nothing.
[Engrish] In China election day is pronounced erection day. Same difference when thought about.
[Crooks] These scam call centers make upward of 20 million dollars a year by preying on retirees. We’re not talking car warranties, we’re talking deeply disturbing, intricately devious and successful attempts at stealing massive portions of people’s life savings. The way they do it is recorded in the beginning of the video. It’s made by hackers and people on the ground that managed to get on the inside. Retirees will believe anything if it’s touching and convincing. People are losing $20,000 each day to these heartless tactics. Video
[1880s Florida Everglades] M. LeChevelier, a taxidermist, collector of bird skins and plumes was living up the Miami River. Mr. Chevelier is French and cannot speak good English. Pelican skins are the main object of this hunter, plumes next, also cormorant skins, in fact all kinds of birds. Mr. Chevelier has a market for all of them in Paris. He gets fifty cents for the pelican skins, twenty- five cents for least tern, $10 for great white heron and $25 for flamingo. Great white herons are scarce and flamingos more so. Despite a right hand crippled by his own gun, Chevelier blazed away with his associates.
Deer “Captain Doom and Gloom”, How do you propose to eliminate the “over-breeding of useless eaters?” All you seem to do is complain and never offer any reasonable solutions.


Hillary Duff
’s lower unit.

[Surfside Condo Collapse] Victims to share over $1b in recovery funds. Settlements totaling $106 million had already been reached with insurers. That number doesn’t include the minimum $120 million guaranteed opening bid in an auction of the oceanfront lot, now set for May 24. Link
Ukraine War is a warning to European countries. Video

I would like to ask terrorist around the world what their terror has accomplished. What have their bombs been able to accomplish? I think they enjoy the kill. It satisfies and lets them feel they are doing something with their hate.
[Instant Karma] A Trenton man dies of heart attack after strangling and burying his girlfriend in the backyard. Link

The homeowners association in this guy’s neighborhood threatened him with a fine if he didn’t hide his trash cans, so this fence was his solution.

Skin color does not mean a thing. You’re either a good person or a piece of crap. End of story.

The James Webb Space Telescope is almost ready to start blowing our minds. We’re just weeks away from getting official scientific data from the space telescope as final equipment tests wrap up. Link

[Word of the Day] Claustrophobia. The fear of closed spaces. For example: I’m going to the pub and I fear it will be closed.

Big Pine Key
is so small that we don’t have a town drunk so we all take turns.

[Friday Joke] Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married. When it was Jerry’s turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years. “Wow” the leader gushed “that’s amazing, perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody, how you stay married to the same woman for so long. “Well,” Jerry said after thinking for a few moments, “I try to treat her nice, buy her presents, take her on trips and best of all, for our 25th anniversary I took her to the Bahamas.” “Well, that’s really beautiful, and a true inspiration for all of us” the lady said “maybe you can tell us what you are going to do for your 50th anniversary?” “Well” Jerry said “I’m thinking of going back to the Bahamas to pick her up.”
[Shaman Says] If you want something to go wrong just forget your phone.