Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.
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 [Burning Little Pine Key] There is absolutely no reason to burn Little Pine Key. It is a wilderness island, that has had no human inhabitants for more than 105 years. I used to visit it with refuge biologists back in the 80s and 90s. It was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. The area of actual pine lands is not very big, but it had several gigantic pines up to 50 feet tall. It had lush hardwood hammocks dominated by large pigeon plum trees. Since it is uninhabited, it has a perfectly natural fire regime. It also had a good rattlesnake population which was enhanced by several snakes moved from Big Pine.
Little Pine Key was burned two years ago for no apparent reason. What would be the mistaken justification to burn it again on Tuesday November 17, 2022. USFWS said, “the primary reasons for conducting prescribed burns are to remove the over accumulation of vegetation…, along our wildland – urban interface to protect our community private property and residents”. Since there are people on this island and no private property and no wildland – urban interface, there is no reason to burn. They also mention Bartram’s Hairstreak butterfly and its host plant, pineland croton, neither of which occur on Little Pine Key. If USFWS was concerned about this butterfly, they should not be clearing the croton. They completely destroyed the second largest colony of pineland croton on Big Pine Key in 2016. This was the beginning of the clearing of more than 133 acres of critical habitat in recent years. Burning on Little Pine Key also removes and reduces the soil profile of the island which promotes increased salt water intrusion. Why can’t USFWS just leave functioning natural ecosystems alone? |
Contrails or Chemtrails? |
| Joey Ramone – Maria Bartiromo] How about a blast from the past for this Friday. Video |
Woman logic. |
| How do you say “no” in Chinese? Well, you might be surprised to learn that there is no direct way to say “yes” or “no” in Mandarin. In fact, how to say “no” in Chinese is often dependent on what you are saying “no” to. Link |
 [Inflation] The KW symphony charges over $300 for a ticket to see their upcoming performance of the Nutcracker |
| Drought‘s impact on energy supply. More and more areas of the U.S. have been experiencing droughts in recent years. 2022 is one of the driest years in the country. Drought impacts water supplies and can cause wildfires, power outages, and public health problems. Link |
“New Senior Apartments Coming to Summerland Key” This ad was mixed in with today’s on-line news feed. Why can’t we sue for false advertising? |
| [Thursday: 82°in Big Pine Key] Winter is moving in. It’s getting cold up here in Tennessee. Lows in the 20’s coming up this week. Burrr. |
English translation: He who drinks, sleeps. He who sleeps, does not sin. He who does not sin is holy. Therefore, he who drinks is holy. |
| [Friday Joke] I can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today. An old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously, they were thinking, ‘That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’ As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine – they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said ‘No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.’ Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, ‘What is it you are waiting for?’ She answered, “The teeth”. |
 [Not A Good Day For Critters] Thursday morning I was watching about a dozen morning doves feed outside my window when a hawk swooped in and took one of them. Damn, it was fast! Later in Miami while watching birds in a pond, I was intrigued with some newly hatched ducks. They must have just hatched because they were no taller than 2 inches. I’d never seen them so small and cute. A great white heron was looking intently at the ducklings and, yes, he snatched one faster than the eye could see and flew away. The mother didn’t even look, but kept waddling, one less duckling. Then we stopped at Gilbert’s off the 18- mile stretch and, yes, an employee walked in with a 5 foot long python that he found in the parking lot. |
| In the 1960s Puerto Rico was almost deforested. Then conservation stepped in. Today 50 to 60 percent of the island is tropical forest. Or as Edgar Rice Burroughs would call it – jungle. |
[Coconuts Bar and Liquor] This oldie but goodie is maybe at least 25 years ago, remember “Linda’s death dogs”? $1 beer? Are kegs still $49? |
| Tuesday’s Coconut Telegraph would not come up again from my bookmark. Once again I typed telegraph into Google, whatever, with today’s date and it popped right up! I tried bookmark just because I could and a couple minutes ago and Friday’s came up. Another mystery without any clues. Night moves…
(Editor: Ain’t it funny how the night moves… No one can figure out why the current Coconut Telegraph appears or doesn’t. I’ve spent so much time with tech support that when I call they say, “Hi Ed”. Half the time the correct CT appears, but why not all the time? I still hate computers.) |
[Big Pine Book Club] We hope to see everyone at the library this Saturday at 10 am. The book is The Lighthouse Keeper’s Daughter by Hazel Gaynor. Full Menu > Book Club |
| Tuesday’s post thinking Communism is the same thing as Socialism just points out the ignorance of the small thinkers among us. |
[Bugs] At long last, a homecoming for the Fender’s blue butterfly. The revival of rare insect in Oregon illustrates the collaborative nature of survival. Link |
| [Sharks] The odds of being killed by a shark are 1:3.7 million. That’s dead, not just bitten |
 I was watching a fertility and reproduction series on TV last night and it was really informative but complicated. They said that a single sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it which means an average ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 TB. That’s a lot of information to swallow. |
| Average kids between 13 and 18 spends about 7hours and 22 minutes a day looking at display screens. |
 [Little Old Lady Driver] Circumstance compelled me to ride along with my wife. Not only is she the worst driver on the road, she’s that little old lady who drives 5 mph below the speed limit. There was a long parade of cars behind us. She created a dangerous situation as the cars tried desperately to pass us. It was awful. I slumped down in the seat so no one would see me. If anyone knows how I can communicate with my wife please let me know. |
| [Friday Joke] When my wife snuggles up next to me on the couch and whispers, “I’m not wearing any underwear. Do you know why?” I know I’m about to get a ten-minute lecture on why it’s important to remember to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer. Just another F-ing Saturday night. |
Love Thy Neighbor, but not that much! |
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 The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 11/18/22 at 8:01 amGet the latest webpage by refreshing your cellphone’s browser. Or if on a laptop just refresh your browser. 1. Open bigpinekey.com on your cellphone. 2. Touch the menu icon in the upper right. 3. Touch the refresh circle (open circle with an arrow on one end). That’s it. The Coconut Telegraph is published Tuesdays and Fridays |