Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.
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|[Illegal Immigrant Problems Are Real] Someone dumped a bunch of families in my town. They use the wastebaskets in my friends laundromat for toilet and the alley next door. They arrived with nothing so ,of course we are supposed to be kind and give them everything they need for free. The housing shortage is so severe here that a house used to rent for $1600 and now it’s $4200 a month, but we are also being expected to find them shelter. The photo below shows the 14 backpacks we collected on our property in the Sierra Vista, AZ, area. They are full because we loaded them with some of the trash thrown all over by illegals. We also had to haul off several, large, black trash bags full of clothing and plastic bottles. The backpacks are sold to the illegals for their “journey” across the Mexico/AZ border. They are originally filled with camouflage tops, pants, maybe some snack bars, and water bottles. We have found filthy clothing and blankets, worn camouflage tops and pants, shoes, toothbrushes, toothpaste, cigarette packages, lighters, liquor bottles, juice bottles, half-eaten candy bars, and trash all over our land that we have to clean up. Funny how I never litter but they feel free to. We donated the backpacks to the local Goodwill in case you are wondering.
are they showing up where you live? No? I guess that’s why you won’t address this issue.
Who wants to swim with robot dolphins? More people than you may think. It’s not hard to convince people to want to hang out with a robot dolphin instead of the real thing. Link
|[Losers] Remember: Losers hold rallies. Winners hold office.|
[350 Pounds!] Massive grouper catch stuns crowd at Florida fishing dock. Link
|[Friday Joke] Having a bad day ? Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs panicked for some reason, breached the fence and escaped, stampeding madly. The two protesters were trampled to death.
Still having a bad day? Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with ‘return to sender’ stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits
[New Rule] Well, I’m not allowed to do the pumpkins anymore.
|[Groceries] I spent $157.26 on groceries for just two people for five days. That’s without meat, fish or wine. I don’t know if it’s inflation or greed that drove up the price, but I hate it. The sorrier truth is that no one can do anything about it no matter what they try|
|[Inflation] When beer goes up then you know you’re in trouble. Beer is the last thing suppliers raise the price of.|
|[Friday Joke] A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.
“Who was that?” asked his wife.
“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.
“Did you help him?” she asks. “No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too.”
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes back the answer.
“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband. “Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.”
“Over here on the swing ,” replied the drunk.
[Unsanitary Mangrove Mama’s] Landmark Keys restaurant ordered shut due to rodent droppings, other issues. Read the list of violations: Link
|[Friday Joke] A man and woman were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor: “Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.” Gushed son number one. “Sorry I’m running late, I had an emergency. You know how it is, didn’t have time to get you both a present.”
Not to worry.” Said the dad. “The important thing is that we’re all here together today.”
Son number two arrived and announced, “You and Mom still look great, Dad. Just flew in from L.A. and didn’t have time to get you a present. Sorry.”
It’s nothing.” Said the father. “Glad you were able to be here.”
Just then the daughter arrived. “Hello both of you, Happy Anniversary! I’m sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing, so I didn’t have time to get you guys anything.”
Again the father said. “I really don’t care, at least the five of us are together today.”
After they had all finished dessert, the father put down his knife and fork, looked up and said. “Listen up, all three of you, there’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to raise each of you and send you to college. All through the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.’
The three kids gasp and said. “You mean we’re bastards.”
Yep.” Said the dad. “And cheap ones too.”
[Handyman] Updated the phone number. GTM Handyman Services 305-731-6910. Business directory > Home Improvement
|[Conspiracy Theory] Mangrove Mamas is shut down. Why? Just because a few bugs and a little dirt or the lack of kick-back to the inspector? It’s the KEYS, Dude! Everything down here is dirty and buggy and makes the Pizza crunchy|
[Book Club] We will be meeting at the PB Library this Saturday, October 15th at 10:00 am to discuss In the Unlikely Event by Judy Blume.
|[Rich Begging] It’s great to finally have a President that doesn’t send out 20 Emails a week begging me to send him money while claiming to be a billionaire. And that is why he says point blank, “I love the uneducated.”|
[Lousy Taste] This is why my wife won’t let me buy anything from Amazon without adult supervision.
|[Yard Sales and Garage Sales] People only put out stuff they don’t mind people stealing or are going to throw out anyway. I only look for old oil paintings and weapons, never anything else. If I had to buy old shoes and clothes, I’d find a very high bridge to jump from.|
|[Goals] It’s a lot easier to start the day when you know it will end with beer.|
|[Daddy Putin] I find it very odd that no one knows how many children Putin has.|
|This report on Mangrove Mama’s Garbage Pit is normal for Florida. Link ~firstname.lastname@example.org|
[Verdict: Life As Somebody’s Bitch] Parkland shooter to be hand fed for life. Execution required
|[?] Does anybody really care Kanye West is ye?[?]|
[Floods] Is that true that if you disconnect your battery, your car won’t be trashed when it gets flooded by a hurricane?
|[“BS and pity me posts: So who is making you read them?”] Unfortunately no one knows posts are BS and pity-me posts until they read them. Then it’s too late.|
|[Guilty of Parkland Shooting] I think I’m glad that the jury didn’t find for the death penalty for the Parkland shooter. Because a death penalty verdict means an automatic appeal that would keep it in the courts for years. This way he can just sit in jail and look over his shoulder every minute of every day for the rest of his short life.
But I have a better sentence for him. He should be sent on vacation with all if the survivors of the 17 people that he murdered. And the vacation will be a nice train ride on the Orient Express. Hercule Poirot will be discreet about it.
|[Generosity] October 21, 2022, will mark the first “Be Like Mike” Day in the Florida Keys. Beloved Monroe County Commissioner and restauranteur “Mangrove” Mike Forster was a member of the United Way of Collier and the Keys’ Local Advisory Board at the time of his passing. UWCK staff and board members want this day to be a way to honor Forster’s untiring commitment to making life better for Keys residents. We want to keep his legacy going through this annual event encouraging people to give back however they can,” said Leah Stockton, Keys Area President, United Way of Collier and the Keys. The community is encouraged to spend the week leading up to October 21 promoting goodwill and generosity through random acts of kindness, and then sharing their good deeds on social media with the hashtag #BeLikeMike. Monday, October 17, will be all about helping children,
Tuesday, October 18, will encourage people to clean the ocean or bay,
Wednesday, October 19, will focus on aiding animals, and
Thursday, October 20, is designated for thanking first responders, military members, and veterans.
Friday, October 21, “Be Like Mike” week will culminate in UWCK collecting non-perishable food to distribute Keys-wide. More details are available at KeysUnitedWay.org/BeLikeMike/
|[Getting Old] Well, the Keys are dead and long live the family affair islands. All the hard-core party animals and bar hoppers are not coming here anymore because these last resorts to freedom and partying have turned into righteous Mommy and Daddy and Kiddie play grounds. Gone are the chicks and studs replaced by fat sissies and cross-eyed holy rollers. Gone are the days of picking up a foxy lady for a night’s fun and folly. Even the bars are closing and turning into cute little pastry shops or spots for tourist trinkets. Gone are the Keys as Hemmingway knew them and thousands of men and women who once had the greatest fun times of their lives here! RIP.|
Do everything with a good heart and expect nothing in return and you will never be disappointed.
|[Friday Joke] A woman home alone, answers a knock on the door to a man who just stood there and asked, “Do you have a vagina” She slams the door in disgust and tells her husband that night when he got home from work.
The next morning she answers a knock on the door, it’s the same man and he asks the same question, “Do you have a vagina?” Once again she slams the door. She immediately gets on the phone and rings her husband at work.
He tells her he will take the day off tomorrow just in case the man shows up a third time.
The next morning, they hear a knock at the door and both make for the door. The husband whispers to his wife, “Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to tell him yes to his question, because I want to a see where he’s going with this.”
She nods, a yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there. He asks, “Do you have a vagina” “Yes, I do.” says the lady. The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!”
|The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 10/14/22 at 10:30 am
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